Tuesday, May 20, 2008

How do you LIVE like that? Or, The Lord makes good toast

This morning the Lord woke me around 7am and made me breakfast. Divine providence led me to choose the yellow shirt with my jean shorts, and I praised Him and His style sense. I thank God for providing the full gas tank that allowed me to get to the mall, and the roads He provided for me to drive upon, not to mention the excellent car He created for me out of the bounty of the Earth.

My Savior tested my faith severaly in the parking lot, and I had to show much patience before He provided a parking space and guided me to the door of Macy's. But then I saw that He had wrought a 20% off sale as a blessing of my righteous life and works! Hallelujia! When I had browsed the plentiful offerings of clothing He saw fit to bring into being, the Lord our Father called me to the food court. But the Lord works in mysterious ways, and I wept upon seeing the A&W stand closed for good by the work of Satan. God punished the Pines Mall for the sin of homosexuality; I'd warned them that He would. I cast off despair and rejoiced: a heavenly chorus heralded a new Starbucks downstairs from the multiplex! Praise God!

I knelt there in prayer for a goodly time, and lo, the Holy Spirit moved me to order a venti soy orange mocha frappachino, and I saw that it was good. And I prayed, "Lord, I ask that You bless this frappachino and make it a nourishment to my body, which is Your temple. I ask this in Jesus' name, amen."

Needless to say, the Heavenly Father guided me home safely again. I must remember in my prayers tonight to ask that David Cook sings well tomorrow, and that his fans vote enough times, so that he becomes this year's American Idol. Christ already, he's talented enough.

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