Wednesday, September 24, 2008

VOTE!!! Srsly...

Here's the email wrote for me. I'm jiggy wi'it:


The Obama campaign just launched a new one-stop voter registration website called Vote for Change:

You can check your registration status, register to vote, look up early-vote information for your state, apply to vote absentee, or even find your polling place.

It's the easiest and most important thing you can do to bring the change we need. Make sure your voice is heard:

Thanks -- see you at the polls.

Oh, and to keep it topical: Jesus Christ, vote already.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Friday, September 19, 2008

Build a Better Jesus

I've been meaning to blog again forever and my backlog of topics is getting as long as my Johnson. OK, that's a lie. I'd actually have to not blog for a few more months for that to happen.

Anyway, I was in the car with my daughter the other day and a story came on the radio that some parents were enraged because their daughter was suspended from school for carrying gang symbols. What was the gang symbol you ask? She brought a rosary through the metal detector.

Now, I know what you're thinking, but it's actually not without merit. It seems as though gangs are carrying rosaries and coordinating them with the rest of their gangware. So the rosary actually has become a gang symbol. And if you ask me it's always been a gang symbol. Look back to Europe when the catholics hired killers to go out and kill every protestant on the protestant side of paris. In the neighborhood of 5,000 men, women, and children were slaughtered in their homes and in the street. These guys just kicked in doors and killed everyone they saw in the house or anyone out walking in the streets. Even infants were kabobbed. So as far as I'm concerned the rosary has always been a gang symbol. Anyway though...

OK, so that being said, it got me thinking to that recent debacle with the communion cracker being stolen. You all know which one I'm talking about. And I still can't see why that nasty little dry cracker is prized so highly. If it's the blessing that's important, then can't you just bless a better cracker? There are so many really yummy crackers out there. So if the blessed cracker is actually the body of christ and they actually believe that bullshit, then couldn't you build a much better christ if you had a better cracker?

I would love to eat me a little rosemary and cracked pepper jesus. Or maybe some whole wheat and sesame jesus would do the trick.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Hey, God is at work in MY life, too!

I didn't realize it, but it turns out that God has been guiding MY life, too! /sarcasm.

I think I've read one too many testemonials by Christians. Everything in their lives was a sign from God, a gift from God, or [God allowing bad things to happen to them to teach them a lesson] Satan working against them.

I'm an atheist. It wouldn't be hard at all to rephrase my life in those terms.

I met my current husband in church. This is a sign that God is the one true way. Since I met my first husband in college, and that didn't work out, maybe education isn't something you should go in for.

I've had two healthy boys. This is clearly a gift of God, and certainly not good genes, prenatal care and vitamins, foritified foods and a ready supply of fresh fruits and vegetables, excellent medical care, vaccinations, and a country reasonably safe from random people trying to explode me.

I've never been in a hurricane, flood, or tornado, and only mild earthquakes. I'm not gay, so God must be showing His approval of my straight lifestyle choice. Yep, I chose dick. Because I can totally choose who I'm attracted to. Pussy was awfully tempting, but I can tell that was Satan. I guess.

Um, let's see. I survived three surgeries by the grace of God, and I've prospered and remained healthy. I've had no untimely deaths in my family. God thinks I'm friggin AWESOME.

Oh yeah, the other day? I was almost in a wreck? But then I wasn't? So yeah, God saved me from that.

I could clearly go on and on and on. But what I want you to get out of this: This "God blesses me" gig is a game anyone can play, and win every time. And on the flip side, since things are going so well for me, I guess God's into Atheists. Either that, or He's biding His time. WTFever.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

AOTD: Jeesus' wee-on

Art with hardons

The interesting thing is, ET and Mickey Mouse aren't real...Jesus is the only "real" guy listed. So, are you offended that they put up a statue of him nekkid, or what? You can't honestly think a guy went 33 years without a boner. If you don't want to think about that, don't go see the exhibit.