Tuesday, May 6, 2008

How a blow job ruined my herb garden.

I used to be an athiest, but now I can see that I was wrong. God has shown me definite proof of his existence and here to ask all of you sinners to repent.

See, I've started this herb garden out back and the seeds are just starting to come up. And it chose now to rain really really hard and it's going to completely destroy my plants. That's how I know it's god. There's no reason for him to destroy my plants so he must be punishing faggots again. I know you guys are out there going against god. I can smell you. And I'm putting you all on notice. You all owe me for my plants. The seeds, soil, food, etc. If you're too blind to see that god is punishing you for sucking cock then you can at least pay for the damage.

Why do you have to choose to be gay and go against god? Can't you see what you're doing to the world? Can't you see how much you hurt your maker? And what about the rest of us? God is clearly taking it out on us so we'll police you and bring you back to his house. So STOP IT!!!

And if you're still not convinced that it's you causing this, then here... directly from the New Bible in black and white. How much more does god have to spell it out to you?

SJ Bruce 44:12

And should any man lay with any other man, I will bring upon the earth much destruction. For every time a set of balls slap against an ass I will roar thunder throughout the heavens. For every pearl necklace I will give thee a tornado. And for every golden shower I will rain upon thee in orders of magnitude greater. Let me say it another way so that I'm not misunderstood. Because I know how you guys like to find loopholes in my commandments. I command you faggots to keep your fucking hands to yourselves. I don't want you grabbing each other's dicks, or putting anyone's balls in your mouth. And no more eating asses. Each man's corn shall remain his own. I don't want to see any holding hands, circle jerking, oil wrestling, butt plugging, or any sexual horseplay in the workplace. You are not to undress in front of another man at the gym either. You never know what's going to set those faggots off. There is no glory in a glory hole, so keep your dick out of there. I don't think I can be more clear here. Don't touch any man's ass with any part of your body. Don't touch any part of a man's genitals with any part of your body. And YES, gloves, dildos, and any other instrument you sick fuckers invent count. In fact, let me just go ahead and say that you should not be the direct or indirect cause of any type of physical pleasure to another man whether it be intentional or unintentional. And don't touch another man's mouth with any part of your body either. That's just gross.
Oh and another thing. When you go to the bathroom in public, keep your feet in your own stall. I'm onto that one too.
And as for you women... you're good, carry on.

1 comment:

Faithinate said...

Well 1, I can't believe you're not getting comments on these. And 2, LOVE the ending. Does the old Bible even comment on gay WOMEN?