My New Job

Before I told you that of all people, I ended up taking a job at a baptist company. Don't worry, it's not like a xtian tv network or anything, but it is a baptist-based company. I was originally quite worried because it just goes against everything I believe in. It's actually going ok though. So far the only thing religious I've really been exposed to is orientation started with a prayer.

That was actualy pretty offensive though because I don't even want to hear that offensive shit. Of course they just don't get it do they? I've talked to my mom about this and she doesn't get it either, but it really is bullshit. Here, let me show you what I mean.

Xtians have taken to trying to sneak prayer into places by saying that they're going to have a prayer, but those who don't choose to are welcome to observe a moment of silence instead. The only problem is it's not a moment of silence because there's some asshole asking an invisible man in the sky for favors. And with the shit religion usually stands for, it's just offensive to have to listen to that shit. And like I said, they don't get it. They think, why are you so upset? I said you don't have to pray, you can just sit there and keep to yourself until we're done. Yeah, I suppose I could, but let's put the shoe on the other foot for a minute and see how you like it.

Let's say that I'm the head of a very liberal company, perhaps a porn distributor and you take a job there knowing that it's likely you'll never have to actually see porn because there are gov't regulations protecting you from that kinda thing. Now, when you show up for orientation I announce that we're going to watch a short ass pounding video, but for those of you who don't want to you can just sit there and keep to yourself in silence. So let me ask you... is that moment of silence acceptable, or would you rather we keep our offensive material to ourselves? Because offensive is offensive, and frankly, I'm seriously offended when someone starts preaching that bullshit because religion is nothing but bad. It's an evil in this world and we have to crush it. Too many horrendous things are done in the name of somebody's god and it has to stop. So yeah, I actually get offended when these assholes make me sit there silently while they spew their poison in the air.

Frankly, I'd rather watch a good ass pounding.

Technical Virgin

So we're watching an episode of Two and a Half Men, and Judith's sister says, "Oh yeah? And who's the 'technical virgin'??"

So we got to talking about what constitutes a virgin any more - you know, are you still a virgin if you've done everything but? And how guys either are or aren't, period. I was surprised to find myself on a diatribe.

"Virgin" is a completely outdated term that means nothing. It comes from centuries of subjugation of women. "You have to be a virgin, which means you'd better not touch anyone else's dick or you're worthless. I, on the other hand, can stick my dick into whoever or whatever I want period. You know, as long as it's not a guy." It's fucking ludicrous.

What's more, it's one of those stupid rules that people go to extreme lenghts to get around, regardless of consequences. You can suck and rub and take it in the ass, and you're still a virgin, and therefore it's okay with God. Oh and by the way, while you're focusing on the letter of the law, you can still get HIV or syphillus. And you sure as hell are getting sexual experience, with the complications & emotional tie-ins and all that shit.

There's not a single defining line, for guys or girls. You've touched or you haven't. Someone's gone down on you, or not. A piece of you has been in someone else, or it hasn't. These days "virgin" really just means sexually inexperienced. So if you're an everything but girl (or guy), you're not a virgin. As far as a label goes, who the fuck cares?

AOTD: Dan Savage, Sex, and God (yet again)

Here's this week's Savage Love column, which begins with a letter from a woman who WAS having sex, but now that she's living with her boyfriend has agreed NOT to have premarital sex under parental pressure, blah blah. Dan's response includes this gem:

After all, kids, the same vengeful, sex-obsessed, entirely fictitious God who disapproves of premarital sex also disapproves of any and all "non-intercourse ways" of getting your boyfriend off. Spilling his seed is a sin, too, NSFU, whether you're helping him spill it on the ground or on your tonsils.

Let's hear it for our fellow rationalists out there spreading the word and raising the national IQ!

Not Tolernace, but Reality

I was originally going to preach about tolerance today, but instead I'm going to bump that topic for a day and talk about the reality of religion... xtianity to be specific.
Now, for those of you who follow my writing, you know I speak very frankly about things, and sometimes even a little more so than is necessary. But I also just tell things like they are and this is one of those times. So today you're not only going to get some good insight into the reality of xtians, but also into guys themselves.

In my youth, that is to say, before I got married... no wait... let me move forward to what started this to begin with.

This weekend, I was discussing with Faithinate the aspects of fidelity. And we decided that there are many levels of infidelity. And of the many levels, fucking her hot friend is definitely what we would consider infidelity in the 1st degree, right... a capitol offense so to speak. OK, so that's the basic premise.

So that got me thinking, strictly hypothetically of course... what would it take to fuck her hot friend? What obsticles would I have to overcome? Because like it or not, this is what guys think about. OK, so I'd first have to get past her loyalty to my wife. They've been friends for a long time and she wouldn't fuck over her friend like that. 2nd, her husband and kids. That's a really big one because she's really into her own husband and it would be hard to convince her she needed to risk everything to fuck me once or twice. Girls aren't as easily convinced of that kinda shit as guys are. But you know what never entered into the equation? That's right... the fact that she's a xtian.

The truth of the matter is that getting through religion most of the time is easier than getting through virginity. I can't tell you the number of girls I've picked up at church and in fact, the church where my wife and I met (many years ago) housed a girl who was very into the whole jesus scene. She was as holy as they come. She was always at the functions, recited the bible like nobody's business, never cursed, all that standard stuff. And I'm here to tell you she snuck me in her bedroom late at night a number of times. What can I say... religion's just not a factor.

Now that really says something about it doesn't it? The fact that religion isn't considered practical enough by its practitioners to limit their everyday actions only tells of the lack of any real belief in god or his principles. If god is such a powerful force then why doesn't he instill more fear and loyalty in these people? Hell, back then I was a xtian too and I thought nothing of sleeping with whomever I saw fit. The two were separate. You had religion for the really bad stuff like don't kill and don't worship anyone else. And you had the real world for getting laid and studying for your exams.

It's like wedding rings... and this is where the ugly side of guys really comes out. We would always hit on married or engaged chicks. We did it all the time. And do you know why? Because a lot of times that ring means about as much as god does when it comes to getting laid. We had a saying... rings only stop amateurs. So only guys who didn't know how to pick up chicks stopped when they saw a ring. So you really wanna know how successful you can be going up against a wedding ring? If I had to guess, I'd say about 40%. It was in the neighborhood of 4 out of 10 married chicks we hit on ended up coming home with us. And I don't know about you, but in any kind of sales, those are good odds and well worth your time. And I'd have to say that your odds are even a big higher in church.

Ok, I've shown you how depraved men can be. It's pathetic I suppose, but it's true. Getting laid is a numbers game. The more women you hit on the more chances you have. But the 2 things that are never a limiting factor are marriage and religion. They just don't factor in enough to concern yourself with. And when they do factor in, it's really hard to say if that's what's really factoring in, or if they just don't like something about you and they get with the next guy whom they really do like.

Noah's Orgy

OK, it has been brought to my attention that it wasn't just Noah, wife, and boys on the ark, but also the boys' wives. So you know I'm gonna have some fun today.

I ran across something in the new bible on this subject that you should look at. It's the story of what happened when they all got off the boat (the original wetbacks).

Now I know the ark actually landed on top of that mountain in Turkey where everyone on board (including the animals) would freeze to death, but let's consider that an inconsistency on par with the old bible and move on.

SJ Noah 42:17

And Noah opened the door and stepped off the ark. He saw the grass was green and invited everyone to follow him.

Immediately his wife went to pick flowers and he grabbed his eldest son, Jon, and said, "Why don't you go keep your mother company... she looks like she could use a cock in her mouth."

To this his son replied, "Yeah, I've been watching her lately, and I couldn't wait for this boat to stop so I could dig into some of that ass. Afterall, we have to repopulate the earth."

"That's right son, we do. Now where did your wife, Ezmerelda get off to? I've been wanting to shoot a wad in her since you brought her home that first time. And I've been praying to god that he'd let me tap that sweet ass; I just didn't know he'd kill off the entire world to do it."

"Yeah dad, she's got a tight little hole, that's for sure. And wait till you see what she does with your balls. You'll go nuts. So is there anything I need to know about mom?"

"Yes there is. She hates it when you double-dip. And she won't suck your dick unless you fuck her in the ass first. She's always been a freak like that. But don't worry... she takes a load better than any other woman I've known. And she can put her legs all the way up behind her head. I shoot so fast when she does that."

SCENE BETWEEN NOAH AND EZMERELDA HAVING SEX:

"Oh Noah, I know I'm only 13 and you're 65, but I've wanted to feel your cock in my ass for 2yrs now."

"Really? Cause I was just gonna say that I used to whack-off to you every day on the boat. Every time I'd see you bending over there to shovel the animal shit off the deck, I wanted to just run over there and lick that sweet, bald pussy till you screamed."

"Yeah, Jon says my titties should be coming in soon and then it's really on."

"Well, I like you just the way you are sweetheart. Now why don't you come over here and wrap those sweet lips around my cock. We've got a lot of time to makeup for."

SCENE BETWEEN JON AND MOM HAVING SEX:

"Oh mom, I've wanted to fuck you since I found out we were going to be the last ones on earth."

"Yeah, I know what you mean. I used to look at you as a little boy and say, one day my baby boy will go through puberty, and then I bet he'll fuck like a pro. I wish I could get me some of that young cock. So I prayed and the Lord made it happen."

"Oh yeah, suck me just like that. Get all that shit off my dick."

"I wuv da taas o ya dig.", she said trying not to spit the cock out.

"OK, turn around and let me slam that ass again. I'm gonna make you squeal."

"I love to feel you inside my ass. But remember, you have to cum in my pussy. We're supposed to be repopulating the earth and we can't waste cum like that."

"Oh mom, I'm only 16. I can cum 10 times a day."

"Yeah, but you've still got to fuck your other brothers' wives today too so pace yourself."

"Tell you what, I'll jizz in your asshole, and then you can suck it all off my cock. Then I'll go take care of the other 2 girls, and come back this evening and finish you off the right way. How's that?"

"Oh, that would be great. I've actually got your little brother cumming inside me in a couple hours so that'll work out just fine. He's only 13 though, so I suspect he'll be pretty quick. But momma will teach him right, and before you know it he'll be slamming me in the shitter as hard as you."

So according to the new bible, that's how the earth got repopulated. It's not quite as glamorous as the bible makes out, but it sure is hot. All that incest action. Gotta love the xtians.

Noah's Super Sex Blowout

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God's Orgy

The bible is full of truly depraved sex acts. You don't have to read very long before you see some guy giving up his wife and his daughter to an entire crowd of men to appease their desires for some strange man who has shown up on his doorstep.

However, I really think that a lot of that gets misunderstood. It's not that the ancients had such little regard for women that they were willing to throw them to the wolves. Not at all. It's that god was punishing them for their wickedness.

Let me show you what I mean. In this installment of my New Bible, I'm going to show you what actually happened and how it was actually a punishment on the people to have the women released to them. Here's the passage directly out of the New Bible.



SJ Orgy 4:12
For a stranger knocked upon his door to stay for the night. And within a few minutes of being let inside, another knock came to the door. There stood several villagers demanding that the man be given unto them so that they may lay with him as the shepards do with their sheep. Just as the man was about to be released to the crowd, god appeared to admonish the sinners.

You shall not have this man as your own because you have each turned him away from your houses, god said. Instead, I will give you his women to do with as you will. You came here tonight hoping to taste some sweet ass and to feel the gentle tickle of anus hair on your balls when you thrust deeply. But you are undeserving of such a treasure. You want to feel the briskness of whiskers on your stomach, but you are unworthy. This man has taken him into his home. So it is he who will feel the exquisite sensation of balls slapping his chin. And it is he who will discover wonderful bits of peanut in his teeth tomorrow. And the traveler will be ready to depart at first light for he will truly get his shit packed tonight.
And you people, for your unkindness shall lay with these 2 women. The younger one has no hair yet so you cannot even pretend she's a guy. And the older woman is with cycle and let me tell you as the one who created here that this bitch is fucking ripe when she's on the rag. Therefore I command every one of you to take her with your mouths until her blood becomes your blood. And let me tell you this. The smell I have given her will make this man's sweaty, unwashed ass seem like a fucking banana split. And don't even think of banging either of these 2 chicks in the ass. Because I have made it so that chicks fart when you blast them in the ass, and if you think her pussy stinks then trust me, you don't want to see what's inside door number 2. But seriously, if any of you enter the asses of either of these 2 women I shall punish thee by never again showing any signs of my existance in this world. You will have to have faith that I exist and I will never perform another miracle or speak to any human until the end of time. And your faith will be difficult to hold because I'll let bad things happen to good people. You will pray to me and I will ignore it. And there will be great movements that speak against my existance and you will be powerless to stop it.

End verse.

Wow, so as you can see, that was really a punishment for those men. Seriously though... who the fuck knocks on a neighbor's door and demands to fuck whoever's inside? Doesn't that seem a little far out there even for back then? And if they're all so horny for fudge, why don't they just fuck the shit out of each other? Why do they have to fuck some guy who just came into town?

I do wonder what happened that night though. Looking at things today, do you think they obeyed god's command?

Extreme Christian Violence

One of the things that's always completely discredited religion for me is how hypocritical they are. And I realize I'm not saying anything new here, but since I've been a father (3x now) it's really been hitting me hard how xtians (or any religion) deals with violence.

It basically goes like this... xtians abhor any kind of violence, sex, language or any other kind of inappropriate material unless it's in the bible.
Again, my ex (the strict souther baptist and ex porn and titty dancer skank) has let my daughter see more rated R movies with more violent content than I would ever dream. Some of it she's let her see because she doesn't see anything wrong with it, and others because it was religious. Of course, the religious part was the showing of the Passion at her church. Of course, they didn't watch the whole thing, just the 20-something mins of torture. I'll tell you what... I don't give a fuck who's getting beaten, don't show it to my kid. And looking at some of the other verses in the bible it's some really sick shit. There was this one that one passage from Faithinate's last post:

EZEKIEL 23: "19 Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt. 20 There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses."

Now, I don't care you who are; that's just fucking sick. And this is what they recommend our children read?

Here's my own bible verse. And it's ok because I'm talking about God and how he has saved us from sin.

And Jesus looked upon her to watch her bend over and take her lover's hard manhood inside her just as the devil had instructed her to do with the horse the time before. Then Satan whispered to Jesus, "You know, she looks like she could use a cock in her mouth." Jesus refused and admonished her as a filthy whore. She then, fully consumed by the devil, tempted Jesus by giving lay with another woman. She spread her legs and tongued her labia like a ripe mango. She then placed her tongue all the way inside the other woman's tail as the other woman screamed with in a Satanic voice. She then invited Jesus to join them promising him all the pleasures of both their bodies. Jesus again admonished her as a whore, then excused himself to reflect in private in the woods.

Hey, I could write a bible too as it turns out.