Tuesday, December 29, 2009

What good is atheism without faith?

There are some billboards around sponsored by one of the local medical centers. They say "What good is medicine without faith?" Really? Pretty damn handy, I'd say. Much more effective than faith in improving quality and length of life. If I have the misfortune to wind up at one of those hospitals, please tell them I'll take the medicine, anyway!

It got me to thinking again about how Christians seem to include God in everything, and I mused about how they could include God in atheism. That kind of ironic or impossible humor is my style. Then I recall how I've seen Christians argue against atheists as if they accept the existence of God but choose to reject him. Perhaps that really is what is happening in their heads? Are they so stuck with God-is-in-everything that they can't comprehend that someone else simply doesn't believe in invisible omnipotent people that refuse to prove they exist? (But they love us!) Do they morph the idea into atheism being a rebellion against an acknowledged God? That would explain some of the attitude.

Another billboard I've seen a lot says "Nothing is too hard for God." Well then he must be one lazy bastard, eh? Or a dick. People give him credit for saving people from disasters. Doesn't he know that preventing the disaster in the first place would save a lot more people? What an asshole! Given the timing of these billboards I presume they are a response to the bad economy. (I guess I could go to the website advertised on them and check...nah.) Again, instead of helping people through the bad economy, why not just prevent it from going bad, mr. invisible love-us guy?

Santa Claus. Tooth fairy. Easter bunny. They love us, give us presents and want us to be good and happy. As we get older we are told that they don't really exist. I keep thinking parents used to tell their kids that God is also a tale and doesn't exist, but somewhere along the way somebody couldn't let go of the last comfy blanket, and now we're stuck with an imaginary friend that will only do good things for us if we obey him. And then only if he feels like it.

What good is faith without a rational approach to the world?

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Christian University

I'm not big into NCAA Football, but this year I have a mild interest because TCU—a local team—has an outside chance at the national title. I also like Texas who would have to lose in the next 7:05 of game time to give TCU that chance.

Yet I find myself mildy repulsed that TCU—Texas Christian University—has a religious base. So I can't decide whether to root for Texas to win and go to the championship game or Texas to lose and hope for TCU to make it in over Cincinnati.

Eh, there are probably atheists at TCU and surely Christians at Texas, so I guess I won't worry any more about it.

Monday, November 30, 2009

Technical Virgin

So we're watching an episode of Two and a Half Men, and Judith's sister says, "Oh yeah? And who's the 'technical virgin'??"

So we got to talking about what constitutes a virgin any more - you know, are you still a virgin if you've done everything but? And how guys either are or aren't, period. I was surprised to find myself on a diatribe.

"Virgin" is a completely outdated term that means nothing. It comes from centuries of subjugation of women. "You have to be a virgin, which means you'd better not touch anyone else's dick or you're worthless. I, on the other hand, can stick my dick into whoever or whatever I want period. You know, as long as it's not a guy." It's fucking ludicrous.

What's more, it's one of those stupid rules that people go to extreme lenghts to get around, regardless of consequences. You can suck and rub and take it in the ass, and you're still a virgin, and therefore it's okay with God. Oh and by the way, while you're focusing on the letter of the law, you can still get HIV or syphillus. And you sure as hell are getting sexual experience, with the complications & emotional tie-ins and all that shit.

There's not a single defining line, for guys or girls. You've touched or you haven't. Someone's gone down on you, or not. A piece of you has been in someone else, or it hasn't. These days "virgin" really just means sexually inexperienced. So if you're an everything but girl (or guy), you're not a virgin. As far as a label goes, who the fuck cares?

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Freedom From Religion

It's funny how perspective changes when you let go of the idea that one faith-based religion is more normal, acceptable or respectable than the others how quickly that religion seems as baseless as astrology, phrenology or voodoo.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Godless Tweets!

We're expanding! Godlessness spreads to Twitter at http://www.Twitter.com/TheGodDam Let's get tweeting!

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

I'm feeling snarky....

..so I come and bitch to you.

STOP being fucking assholes. Stop hating. Stop being hypocrites. Stop mentally (and otherwise) abusing children. Stop short-circuiting education. Stop pushing myth on top of science. Stop killing. Stop subugating. Stop being fucking assholes. This goes for all of you, not just the religious folk.

Oh, and quit blessing me. That's mostly for the Christians...Muslims, agnostics, atheists, Buddhists, and everyone else could give a shit if I sneeze.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Marriage = MY FUCKING BUSINESS, the return!

Hey guys, we got a great comment on the original Marriage = blog! Go check out the latest comments, and throw your $0.02 in the ring.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Christian Dating

I was just browsing the forums attached to a dating website. To my amazement a couple of christians lamented that they can't find other christians to date. Seriously? I can't swing a cat without hitting three single christians who won't shut up about Jesus or God. Anyway, somebody replied to one of the forlorn christians: "Yep, God will scare you up a piece of ass. Have faith."

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Super Breeders for Jesus

O.k. so today the super breeding Christian family the Duggars have been allowed to to make their special announcement AGAIN. I'm sure everyone knowing this family can guess and you'd be right - the bitch is pregnant AGAIN. How is that her uterus hasn't fucking exploded?? Now I have several questions of just plain logistics like what the hell do you do for a living without being reality show stars to financially support that many children for starters, but that isn't why I'm writing?

Now they grant god with all of their good fortune with children and I'm concerned that this religious bullshit will start to filter out to others who crave attention through religion and over breeding. Religion is the number one offender in encouraging people to have children and to have large families, probably because the only time you can play god is when you are seeking a medical intervention to create life, not to end it whether it be through abortion or suicide. And let's not forget that they do love to play god in creating life and when bullying others about their life decisions. Many of the religions condemn contraception. I have a friend who married someone very orthodox and had to get permission from her religious gynocologist regarding halting pregancy because they were having serious issues with another child, and couldn't really deal with a pregnancy. The fact that women in her community go to a doctor who is involved with their temple is horrifying to say the least. Nowadays, you can go to a fertilization specialist and have 8 embryos implanted and freeze the rest, and if all of those embryos manage to turn into babies you can keep them all and save the others for later. Now the reason most people won't destroy them or allow stem cell research which could help people already living is that they consider it religiously wrong and they consider them their children, and you wouldn't do testing on your children (but I guess it's o.k. to leave them in the deep freeze.) They liken doing research on stem cells to doing chemical research to a real live baby that feel pain which is ridiculous and very immature in it's thought process.

This whole mentality of overly religious families thinking that they are so much better than the rest of us because they have these enormous families and are doing god's will and work is revolting!!! I REPEAT REVOLTING!! Not to mention potentially dangerous for the survival of our species, no not Christians or other religious types, but humanity as a whole on this planet. Whether anyone wants to believe it or not, over-population is an issue, not will be, but IS and issue. I wouldn't be surprised if this is all some sort of ridiculous mind control campaign by the various religious institutions to drum up business. If they can continue to convince people that they need to be ridiculously regulated and assisted by god to help deal with the insecurity of life and then breed, well then that means their severly drooping business picks up. Because if you are religious then you will need to baptize, educate, and marry people in the church to be good with god, right?

These people I my opinion should be shunned and these programs with super breeders should be taken off the air. It is absolutely disturbing to me the changing attitudes of this country and how religious extremism is becoming the norm. Just go and read the blogs of this super breeding misfit Michelle and then see the comments. It's all about god. I'm sure they are happy to be able to do so much for god, and the peolple who leave comments are happy they are doing so well too. This should not be out standard for life. I think someone should spike the holy water with birth control since intelligence is useless.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Jesus says: Women Suck!

Ever notice how the most highly respected Christian women are subservient to their men?

There's this guy on the Daily Show* talking about an xtian cult he joined (to see what it's like), and how he didn't help in the kitchen, they actually had a group of women assigned to do that...that the men's job was to follow Jesus, and the women's job was to follow their men. It struck me that the further into traditional Christianity you get, the more you get into those roles.

He just said the New Testament is about power, by the way. I think I can agree with that.

*"The Guy" is Jeff Sharlet, author of "The Family: The Secret Fundamentalism at the Heart of American Power"


I have a new job, and I have a new favorite place to park at my building. Two days out of the last three, this big, bumper sticker-plastered truck has been in the space next to mine. Every time I see it, I have to fight the very sudden, violent, and real urge to key the fucking thing, because of this one particular sticker.

[Sorry, I'd've posted the pic directly, but I'm apparently dumber than Blogger.com.)

It's clearly one of those fucking holier than thou "sanctity of marriage" movements. I did a search so I could include the image, and found out exactly which movement: CBN's.

Let your voice be heard.
Request your free bumper sticker!

We the people proclaim that marriage is a sacred union between a man and a woman! Please support the Federal Marriage Amendment (H.J. Res. 56):

Marriage in the United States shall consist only of the union of a man and a woman. Neither this Constitution or the constitution of any State, nor state or federal law, shall be construed to require that marital status or the legal incidents thereof be conferred upon unmarried couples or groups.

CBN is proclaiming God's truth and love to America! Please join with us.

■Pray that God will protect His divine plan for marriage and the family.

■Act by contacting your senators, representatives and state legislators. Call the Capitol switchboard at (202) 224-3121 or log on to http://congress.org to contact your state and federal legislators by e-mail.

■Share with your family and friends. It is vital to let our voices be heard now -- before the Supreme Court has a chance to make same-sex unions the irrevocable law of the land.

First, why this makes me violently mad: I can't fucking stand when people cheerfully, and with a great sense of community and purpose, fuck other people over. The smug fucking assholes haven't walked a single step in gay man or woman's shoes, but they'll happily say they're not real people and shouldn't have real rights. Hey, maybe they're 3/5ths of a person, right?

Next, let's pick this apart a bit. "We the people " oh don't go all Declaration of Independence on us so you can pretend to be opressed, noble, and intelligent. "We fucking holier-than-thou Christians" would be way more accurate. Okay, moving on.

"We [fucking holier-than-thou Christians] proclaim that marriage is a sacred union between a man and a woman!" I'm going to skip right over "sacred" so I can move on to this: "Marriage in the United States shall consist only of the union of a man and a woman. Neither this Constitution or the constitution of any State, nor state or federal law, shall be construed to require that marital status or the legal incidents thereof be conferred upon unmarried couples or groups." To turn that into Normalspeak, "No law should be understood to mean that 'marriage' has to include fags."

Okay, so marriage is sacred penis-and-vagina territory, and laws should enforce that. So this should be a nation of Christian laws. Oh yeah, THAT'D be just swell.

How many times, and how many different ways, do we have to ask, please, beg, scream, WHY DOES IT FUCKING MATTER TO YOU FUCKS??!? What do you CARE if I peg my husband in the ass, or if my best guy friend likes cock? He's not after YOUR cock! YOU'RE too homophobic, uptight, stupid and unattractive?

Personal attacks? Oh yeah, I'm all about the personal attacks. You started it, asswipes. Your cute little Man + Woman sticker could easily - and more honestly - look like this:

Edit: I'm SO happy. I was already happy about this post (man, that was cathartic), then I went looking on cafepress.com for marriage related bumper stickers. My absolute favorite is the FOCUS ON YOUR OWN DAMN FAMILY one. I gots ta buy it, I just GOTS to.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Woman Accused Of Wearing Pants. Oh, the Humanity!

I'm not sure what's more disturbing, that in Sudan 10 women were arrested for being indecently dressed—in a pair of pants (or trousers for Europeans)—or that Reuters thought it worthy of the "Oddly Enough" category. Or rather unworthy of a more respectable category.

One of the woman found that she had been blacklisted so that she could not pass customs to leave the country. She is on bail pending trial.

Woman in trouser case banned from travel

You're Oh So Special

Over the weekend, here in NYC, a tour helicopter and small airplane collided mid-air over the Hudson and both went under leaving no survivors. Nine people died in crash, among them a couple of teenage boys.

Of course a crash over the Hudson will have many eye witness accounts, and among most of that blabber was an interview with another tourist who was supposed to take the ill-fated helicopter tour at that time, but didn't because her son was scared. It was only after she had convinced him to go and they returned to the heliport that they found out what had happened. Later when she was interviewed she credited her life to god saying, "I thank god for saving us and for giving us another chance at life."

Really?!! Everytime I hear something like that I just wonder to myself, "what makes you so fucking special?" Why would god save you yet send some other family with their teenage son to their death?? Do believers really think that god spares them? And if this if true what does that mean for you? Do you become some super person out to do good and correct all the injustices in the world, or at least the ones in your small corner of it? Because I'd hate to think that god spared you just so you could return to your boring mundane life as whatever it is that you do that really isn't all that impressive.

This is absolute proof that everything that happens is either a result of our own personal choices and/or a case of being in the right/wrong place at the right/wrong time. Because I cannot for the life of me figure out why one person is spared while someone else will suffer only what I can imagine to be incredible amounts of personal emotional agony.

Now, the mother of the Italian teenager who was killed on the helicopter not only lost her son but her husband as well that day, and will return to Italy with nothing but a fucking T-shirt she bought on the street that says, "I Love NY." While the other Italian tourist, who is happy to be alive having been spared by god, will go home with her son and husband. I really hope that the mother of the dead child didn't hear her statement, she might disagree. However, I'm sure she'd love to hear the opinions as to why her family was chosen to die while the other mother was spared. If it indeed this was a conscious decision by god.

It's this idea of favoritism and mercy that people think believing in god will get them that is a completely human characteristic. It is that exact air of superiority that erks me, especially since I don't consider "believers" to be any better than anybody else. So you may want to ask yourselves "why am I so special?"

It's also at times like these when people love to throw out their stupid and completely pointless catch phrases that are supposed to make people feel better about the incredibly uneven justice that god dishes out: "god needed an angel" (can't he/she get really good cable?) "we just don't know why god does these things but he has a reason for everything" (I'm sure the grieving mother would love to know what his reason is), or my personal favorite "we should be happy for them because they are in a better place" (What did they go to some fabulous spa?)

What the fuck people!!

Look, question, and doubt.

Peace out.

Hello there

Hello everyone,
Just wanted to introduce myself, I'm a new publisher on this blog and I hope that it will be at times fun and thought provoking for all. Please remember that this is ONLY my opinion and not the law, and like many other things in life, reading this blog is a choice. If you don't like what you read, then stop reading. It is that simple.

I will say that I am educated, well-traveled, divorced and childless (by choice), and a well respected professional with many friends. One of my hopes is that believers will start to see atheists as humans, and not as social degenerates or monsters.

So in this blog you will see that I will post things usually when I'm irritated or absolutely angry and then somedays my mood will be more upbeat. Yes, I have more than one mood because I'm not a machine, so if you don't like it then move on.


Friday, July 17, 2009

Rural Religion++++++++++

My job takes me all over the place, and last week in particular I worked a rural job site--a retail store of a big public corporation, mind you--and they had a crucifix on the wall and some book whose title I can't recall but had the title and look of a book you just know is going to be religion-steeped before you open the cover. Well, the book was out in the customer area, not on the wall.

So what's up with the rural areas tending to be more religious? Maybe there aren't enough people to point out the more blatant nonsense? Maybe those people are stoned to death?

Why can't I ever stumble into a rural pocket of critical thinkers? Wouldn't that be something?

That reminds me of a time years ago I had a computer service call out in the boonies. The call was for an in-home service contract which was unusual for me; usually I work on corporate PCs. So I'm following the directions, turn off the freeway onto a side road, turn off the side road, across some railroad tracks onto a dinky asphalt road. Then run onto a gravel road, then turn onto a couple of ruts running across a field and through some trees. On the other side of the trees I come to a clearing with a trailer house, 2 or 3 pitched tents and 3 barking rottweilers (or similar big dark scary dog). Oh, did I forget to mention the huge confederate battle flags draped about? I'm about as white as the background behind these words, and if I had been any less white I would've whipped a U-turn and hauled ass outta there. I'm not kidding. I almost did, anyway, but figured somebody would have to take the call and I couldn't think of anyone whiter than me. The scene was straight out of some movie I saw where some racist group had a camp and would kidnap black people, set them loose in the woods and hunt them. I guess the men were off hunting black people or jews or something because there was only a woman and a baby there, and she immediately came out and tied up the dogs and I fixed the computer, thankfully without the need for a return visit.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009


This is a large part of why I believe things will get better...much, much better.

mahmoud ahmedinejad
see more Political Pictures


Sunday, July 12, 2009

On the Mountain with Moses: Pocket Pussy

I was in the shower this morning and was inspired to write a new episode.  It’s best if you don’t ask too many questions about that.

So here we join god and moses on the mountain to find out what the hell took them so long up there when they were writing the 10 Commandments.

If you wanna check out the first episode you can find it here.


G:  Moses, what are you doing over there.  Are you making an idol?

M:  Oh, nothing much.  I’m just whittling something.  And no it’s not an idol.

G:  So what is it then?  You’ve gathered wood, cowhide, thread, and it looks like you’re making some kind of slippery gel.

M:  Just a little something to keep me busy during the times we’re not talking.

G:  Anyway, I’d like to talk to you more about pleasuring yourself.

M:  Ok, I get it.  You don’t want me touching my dick except to take a piss.

G:  What have I told you about that kind of language?  And you’re not restricted to only touching yourself when you pee.  You’re allowed to guide it into your wife when it’s too dark to see.

M:  Hey, is that why you gave us so many fingers?  So we could put one in her ass while you’re holding your dick to make sure it goes in her pussy?

G:  Look, I can tell you’re just trying to get a rise out of me so stop it.

M:  Ok, so what else you got?  What about “PLEASURING YOURSELF” (said in a mocking ominous voice)?

G:  Oh, real mature.  I don’t sound like that.

M:  Yes you do.  You’re always like (said in same mocking tone) “Moses don’t touch your weewee!” and “Moses that isn’t your sheep!”  You sound exactly like that.

G:  I do not.  And I’ve never said weewee.  Look, I’m just trying to make you understand that you’re allowed to touch your… manhood… just not in a way that’s meant to take the place of your wife.

M:  I get it.  And I promise, I won’t touch my dick in any way that is meant to be pleasurable.  Is that all?

G:  Yes that’s all.  And that’s all I ask.

M:  Do you want me to get another stone tablet and add it to the list?

G:  No that won’t be necessary.  I’ll be giving you a book with a bunch more things in it.  I’ll put it in there.

M:  A whole book, really?  Do you really think that’s necessary?

G:  Yes.  These commandments I’ve given you are just the biggies. 

M:  So when do I get to see this book?

G:  Well, I’m commissioning some writers right now.  As soon as I decide who it’s going to be I’ll get a copy to you.  But I warn you, it may be quite a while before it’s ready.

M:  So why even bother with these commandments then?

G:  Because I needed to have a quick list of things for you to use to guide your lives while I get the book ready.

M:  Hey god, check this out.  I finally finished that thing I was working on.

G:  What is that thing?  It looks like some kind of tube that you’ve glued goat hair to and stretched cowhide inside.  What the hell is that thing?

M:  You said I couldn’t touch myself for pleasure right?

G:  (looking cautiously)… yeah…

M:  Well, this way I can get pleasure without touching myself.

G:  I don’t see how you could possibly get anything out of that.

M:  Well, you take the gel I made out of yak fat and you spread it all over the inside, and around the opening of the hole.  Now I just slip it on my dick and rub it up and down.

G:  Oh that’s just gross!  Get that thing off of you.  I can’t believe you’d put your cock inside a dead animal.

M:  (Moses laughs) You said cock!

G:  Oh shut up this is serious.  You can’t pleasure yourself like that.  I thought we settled that.

M:  We did settle it.  You said I couldn’t touch myself like that, but I’m not touching myself.  See, I can even prop it up between 2 rocks and do it on my stomach.  See!!

G:  Oh Jesus Christ! [Jesus comes running up.]

J:  Yeah dad?

G:  Nothing Jesus.  I was just talking to Moses about something.

J:  What the hell is he doing on the ground?

G:  Nothing important.  Look I didn’t mean to call you.  You may go.

J:  You were just taking my name in vain again weren’t you?

G:  Look, I slipped.  It won’t happen again.

J:  How would you like it if I took your name in vain?  Maybe next time I’m with my friends I’ll just be like Goddammit this and Goddammit that.  See how you like it.

G:  What?  Where did you hear that word?

J:  Moses taught me.

G:  Moses?!?

M:  Yes Lord?

G:  Oh, so now it’s Lord is it?

J:  Listen dad, while I’ve got you can I have the keys to the pearly gates?  Some friends and I wanna throw Peter a small party and we need to set some things up. 

G:  No you can’t.  You always get into trouble when you go over there.

J:  Please daddy!!  I promise I won’t do anything wrong.  I’ll just be setting up for the party.

M:  Why don’t you give him the keys?  What could happen?

G:  Oh you just go fuck your dead animal thing.  What the hell do you call that thing anyway?

M:  I’m not sure yet.  Right now I’m looking at either The Willing Goat, or The Silent Wife.

J:  Wow, did you fuck that thing?  That’s cool.  Could I get one of those?

M:  Sure, how many do you need?  Boy, I guess these things could really catch on.

If we wrote a bible that makes sense, what would it look like?

Not something that we could all agree on, that's impossible. But how about a bible that would at least make more sense to us, be harder to tear down? How about a bible that didn't directly lead to subjugation of women, abuse of children, wars and ignorance, etc etc?

Just off the top of my head, a good bible needs a few things:
- an explanation and reason for the origins of existence
- explanations for other unknowns (like things after death, or important scientific principles...the ancients should've been told about germs...)
- guidelines & principles for living and dying
- a reason for following those principles, i.e., consequences, possibly embodied by authority figure(s)

What else am I missing? Remember, I'm trying to take the things that are wrong out of the bible, so I'm not looking for smartass comments like "cruelty & mysogeny" etc. What else does a Good Book need?

Friday, July 10, 2009

Serious w/cute

I think we'd all be more likely to believe if God worked like this.

cute pictures of puppies with captions
see more dog and puppy pictures

(OK, end of sappy uselessness.)

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Matrix Quote Reloaded

"Do not try to bend the god, for that is impossible. Instead, only try to realize the truth."

"And that is?"

"There is no god."

Our Newest Member

My sister has decided to join us here on the Dam.  She hasn’t chosen a name yet, but it’s probably coming soon.  I’m partial to YentaNoMore, but we’ll have to see what she chooses. 

Her first post should be coming soon enough.  I don’t know what style she’s going to write in so this will be a new experience for all of us.

So treat her as nicely as you’ve all treated us.

My Mom… WTF?

Sometimes I just can’t believe what goes through my mom’s head.  We were talking on the phone this morning and of course we got talking about religion.  Well, she started saying (again) that she can’t believe that we’re not believers because we were raised in church.  She then said the most whatthefuckever thing… she said “You guys were doing just fine before those science teachers got a hold of you and started teaching you all that crazy stuff.”  I was like… “What?!?”

She said, “Yeah when I was growing up we had natural science and not all that crap you were taught.”

I said, “So what’s natural science?”

She said, “It’s where they teach you about bugs and trees and stuff.”

So I said, “And what did they teach us then?”

She said, “I don’t know, but they spent a lot of time teaching you God doesn’t exist.”

I said, “Well actually they never even mentioned God.”

She said, “I’m sure they didn’t because they’re not allowed to talk about God in school anymore.”

I said, “WHAT??? So if they aren’t allowed to talk about God then how did they spend all their time teaching us he didn’t exist?”


I think she just changed the subject after that.  But you can see how people are just looking for excuses and people to blame when their kids don’t believe in god. 

We also talked about something I’ve blogged on before… the fact that people don’t really care what you believe in as long as you believe in something.  Religion is protected in this world, but lack of religion isn’t.  Unfortunately it’s just too true.


OK, that’s all I’ve got for now.

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Friday, July 3, 2009

Spongebob and Sensibility

SpongeBob cast of characters:
Mr. Krabs - An old, krusty crab who is owner/manager of a burger joint, "The Krusty Krab"
SpongeBob - a cheery, oblivious idiot (sponge) who LOVES his job as a fry cook at the Krusty Krab
Squidward - a grumpy, lazy cashier (squid) who works at the KK.

In this episode of SpongeBob my kids (okay, and I) are watching, Mr. Krabs left SpongeBob "in charge" of the restaurant while he went to do an errand for 15 minutes. Of course, SpongeBob wants to do all kinds of stuff - work more, redecorate, clean etc - and Squidward keeps tricking him to get out of extra work.

In one of his diversions, Squidward tells him a Krusty Krab "secret", that the place stays so dirty to make the food more delicious by comparison. Of course SB is amazed and enlightened, and goes about filthying up the restaurant to extremes.

Still with me?

I found myself thinking, gee, you really have to ignore everything around you and everything you've ever seen and experienced to buy into that, and....wait a second, that sounds like a blog.

Do I need to say it straight out? Well, okay... I find quite lot of organized religion and most of the pseudosciences to be this way. "Nevermind what you've seen or been through and accept what I tell you." You gotta admit, it's pretty counterintuitive that, say, whacking off is bad. Like, REALLY bad. Or that women are vile, evil, disgusting and unworthy creatures that become "unclean" once a month (oh yeah, and we also bear life).

I understand, too, that microscopic organisms are rather counterintuitive, too...it took us thousands of years to figure out the real source of diseases. But we were able to prove it. I myself can look into my 10 year old's microscope and SEE tiny organisms. I can see the effects of infection and antibacterials in my life. Science, you know? I'm all for science and common sense.

Monday, June 29, 2009

On the Mountain with Moses: Monkeys aren't for spanking

So we went on a trip to Santa Monica last week and I got to thinking on the plane and for some reason it hit me... I wonder why Moses was on the mountain so long. What went on up there? So I've decided to put together a small series that outlines a few of the possibilities.

That's the setup... So in this episode let's see what god and moses might have been talking about.

M: I need to ask you a question about one of the commandments.
G: Go ahead my son.
M: I have a problem with 'Do not covet they neighbor's wife'.
G: What is your problem?
M: I really don't see what the problem is with just thinking about being with somebody.
G: That's your neighbor's wife and you're not supposed to think of her in that way. It's disrespectful.
M: But I just don't see what harm it does. I mean, if I don't tell anybody about it, what would make it so bad? I mean, my neighbor's wife is hot so why can't I picture her on top of me every now and then.
G: Moses, you're not supposed to think about things like that. You are to dedicate yourself body and soul to the mate you have chosen. You are to be faithful in every way possible.
M: Well, how am I supposed to get any good whack material unless I have a variety of
women to use? I mean, man doesn't live by bread alone.
G: That's something else I've been meaning to talk to you about. You shouldn't be pleasuring yourself.
M: What?!? What do you mean? What's wrong with going on a little yankation every now and then? I can't believe you won't let us spank the monkey.
G: Ok, for starters, stop talking like that. There's more polite language to use when referring to such things. And for another thing, I've told you before that sex is only for procreation. It's better to plant your seed in the belly of a whore than on the ground for the ants to eat.
M: So we can bang hookers, COOL!
G: No, that's not what I'm saying. I'm merely saying that you shouldn't waste your semen by not planting it inside a woman. And I'm telling you again to stop using that kind of language.
M: But why is it so bad to have a little salami massage now and then? My wife isn't all that pretty in the first place and then you made her bleed once a month and when she's pregnant she get's all fat and does nothing but eat. And I'm a lotta man and I gotta get mine. What am I supposed to do, bang her when she's bleeding?

G: Of course not, don't be disgusting, you can't stick your dick in something while it's bleeding... listen to me now you've got me talking like that. During those times you can go work in the fields or plan how you're going to conquer the next town and convert them to my word. But don't massage your monkey... dammit, there I go again... Stop talking like that.

M: So I can't bang my wife while she's on the rag or knocked up, and you don't want me whacking my... I mean, taking care of my own business... so that leaves hookers.

G: No, you still can't bang hookers. You have to remain faithful to the sacred union you've established in my name.

M: OK, but what if I'm doing a hooker and I'm thinking about my wife? Is that ok?
G: No, that's not ok either.
M: What if I'm with a hooker and I think about my hand?
G: This is going to be a long day. No, you can't do that either.
M: what if we're in different zip codes?
G: Now there's an idea.

OK, there's the first installment of On the Mountain with Moses. I hope you enjoyed.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Very Rough Photoshop...

Why don't we see more of this kind of thing, really?

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Fuck You Muslim Pricks

OK so this isn’t going to be the usual funny, light-hearted post I usually do.  Instead I’m going to vent a little about something that’s really starting to bother me a LOT.

I was in an airport yesterday waiting on a flight that was running 4hrs late.  I looked over to my left and there was this guy sitting there in shorts.  They were regular jean shorts with sandals, and a normal polo shirt.  Just a normal guy.  He was darker-skinned so he wasn’t white, but it’s hard to tell where he’s from exactly.  But he looked like the kind of guy who you could probably be friends with at work or something.

Then directly to his right was his wife.  Covered from head to toe in a solid black sheet with only a tiny slit for her eyes.  SERIOUSLY MOTHERFUCKER?!? 

OK, here’s the crux of my post tonight.  I’m getting so fucking sick of these muslim prick asshole motherfuckers who think they’re so fucking above everyone else and esp their women.  What the fuck makes him so much more worthy to not have to suffer the heat than his wife?  It was fucking hot yesterday and I’m sure she was miserable in that black tent.

Then my fire was fueled even more when I saw the June 10th episode of the Daily Show.  He was interviewing the producer of the Afganistan Idol.  And he was saying that the religious nuts over there hadn’t thrown them in jail yet, and that even that pretty girl who sang on stage the other day and didn’t cover her face, and even got caught up in the music and barely moved on stage a little was still relatively safe and hadn’t been killed yet.  If that’s your concern for holding a singing show and someone moving in a way while singing that could even be vaguely considered dancing, then fuck your piece of shit religion.  I’m serious here.  I’m really starting to fucking hate muslims and everything they stand for.  They do nothing but try to control everyone’s lives and kill those for the most minor of offenses.  Sure, american xtians can be bad too, but in general they really don’t kill someone for dancing.

So yeah, I’m getting sick of hearing about muslims all the goddamn time and I’m sick of people respecting their religion.  Their religion deserves no respect because they don’t respect anything or anyone.  The only ones who have rights in islam are muslim men.  And even they’d better watch their step.  But the way they support raping of women and killing women for the most minor offenses makes me want to just nuke all of those motherfuckers.  So NO, I’ll never respect islam to any degree nor will I ever be able to be friends with a real muslim because of what they do to their women and children. 

I’ve been friends with muslims before and they always seem like cool enough guys.  But when you see them in a different setting, like at home, and see how they treat their sisters and their wives, there’s no way you can ever look at them the same again.

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Sunday, June 7, 2009

My "Religion"

A discussion online inspired me to write how I really feel...this is my spirituality:

I am made of the stuff of stars. My ancestry goes back millions of years...I am the great granddaughter of the Earth itself, and of the universe. My mere existence is a lucky improbability. I am full of the joy of now, of being alive, of being part of a species that can just begin to study and understand its own existence. My heart is full of the things that I am, of this life and its joys, this being, each breath and step. I am.

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Oh Yeah, Religion Sucks

Oops, we fell off the wagon again. I haven't had much to post lately as I've been busy with secular life mostly free of religious nuts imposing on me.

I just finished reading John Grisham's The Last Juror, and racism and religion played a large part in the setting. I was surprised that there were still segregated schools in the early 1970's in Mississippi. I managed to miss out on most of the open racism because of where I lived, but I've seen hidden racism enough that I was surprised--pleasantly--that Obama could be elected.

Yeah, I really haven't got much else right now. Just staying busy and secular.

Big dildo up your ass.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Forking Incredible

This is gonna be another short one, but it dawns on me (yet again) that religion is something that we’ll never be able to get around.  We have this deep need to personify objects and apply meaning to things.  Says the guy who came up with this while bitching at the forks because they refused to go into the drawer properly.

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Friday, April 17, 2009

Exactly what I had in mind

I was thinking a few days ago (again) about the mixture of paganism, Christianity, consumerism, and random crap that surrounds and fills our holidays. Then I ran across this professionally made cookie cake, decorated with a shining cross, white bunnies and easter eggs. It's exactly - EXACTLY - what I was thinking about.

Must be a sign from God. Dunno what it means, though.

BTW, I'll say it again: WHY does "a sign from God", or "wow, that's so beautiful, it must have been made by God" mean that it has to be made SPECIFICALLY by the wrathful OT guy who got nice and sent his kid to save us from our evil selves, etc etc etc?

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Why should Christians have all the fun?

Who says Islam isn't evangelical? I snapped this shot while driving around San Francisco.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

The God Virus

My favorite podcast for a while now has been Dogma-free America, and they just had a mini episode where he talks to the author of the book The God Virus.

It certainly sounds like an interesting book where he compares religion to a virus outbreak and he makes some pretty damn good points.

I'm not going to spend too much time talking about what he said because it's available online, but definitely go have a listen. It's not as long as the usual podcasts so it's not too long.

So the episode is #83... I think this is the direct link, but if not then just find that episode on the site and you'll be good.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Christians stole my rocket car

You remember when we were growing up and all the futuristic movies where people were flying around in cars and living in space all took place in either 2000 or 2010?

Well it dawned on me a few days ago that since we had pretty decent innovations and discovery before the goddamn xtians threw us into the dark ages. In fact, it's always been religion that's halted science and technology.

So what I'm trying to say here is that had it not been for the goddamn xtians, we'd all have our rocket cars by now... ASSHOLES!!

Big dildo up your ass.

Fooling God

I heard a story on the radio today. If I recall correctly, Jews are supposed to purge their houses and businesses of leavened bread on passover because when the Jews fled Egypt they didn't have time to let the bread rise to take it with them.

Anyway, with mass distribution and restaurants it is kind of a pain to actually get rid of inventory and then restock after Passover, so how do they solve this in Israel? Apparently all the businesses in Israel assign ownership their leavened bread stock to their Rabbis who sell it to one particular Muslim fellow who puts a $5k down payment on it. The businesses and such then hide their bread instead of actually getting rid of it. The contract for the bread sales states that the buyer must come up with the rest of the money shortly after Passover or the down payment is refunded and the bread ownership falls back to the original owner. Somehow the guy never comes up with the rest of the money any year.

What the fuck? Seriously? Why bend over backwards to find loophole to pretend you're following a tradition?

Monday, April 6, 2009

Compatible With Environment

I'm making it slowly through Dawkins' The Extended Phenotype, partially because it has a lot of technical topics and terms that need careful reading and glossary checking, and partially because there's no plot compelling me to pick up the book every night to see what happens next. Nevertheless it's a very interesting read. And again it inspired some thought in me that isn't necessarily presented in the book.

And this is another blog where I don't quite have the idea fully formed. Here it goes anyway. And what I say here isn't really what Dawkins was saying, and I can't fully explain out of context what he was saying, and I might have understood it wrong in the first place. Okay, shut up with the qualifiers already, praiseNull!

Anyway, the inspiring concept was that brain patterns in the form of songs and ideas and such might replicate, mutate and evolve analogous to how genes do in natural selection. So a popular song--for illustration's sake let's think before recordings were possible and this is a folk song passed about from tribe to tribe--may replicate itself to other brains, mutate and evolve as it is communicated from brain to brain.

The moment of inspiration was when he said both gene selection and meme (brain pattern) selection must be compatible within their environment. Where this lead me was to think of religion as a meme, and it fits with what I've been saying. The concept of God, Jesus--or Mohamed or Moses or whoever--and morality mutates as it is passed from person to person, and groups of faith form and split over various disagreements.

What really really really really hit home was that atheism is not compatible with religion. Not in one mutation, anyway. Most Christians may believe in God and Jesus but aren't out to stone blasphemers or inflict other harsh punishments even though that's what the religion started. God and Jesus are kind (well, sometimes...anyway kind from a Christian's point of view), so kindness where the bible says you should stone someone is not a particularly incompatible view (or mutation of a view) to adopt (replicate) for a Christian. Divorcing or aborting a pregnancy is not too strong a mutation because in many cases it prevents suffering and misery. But perhaps "look, seriously, there is no God and all of this is made up" is too much a mutation of a meme--it's incompatible with the ubiquitous monotheistic meme. Perhaps the path from Christianity to atheism is to evolve the meme bit by bit to emphasize the morality and good social behavior and de-emphasize God, Jesus and life before or after this mortal life. And come to think of it, that's sort of the pattern I followed myself. Not that I ever had a belief in a literal God or that Jesus was actively saving my soul, but it took a long while to make the apparent leap from agnostic to atheist, or at least to declare to myself that no, I don't really believe that there's a God out there somewhere.

One more qualifier: Although Dawkins is an atheist and some of that shows through in this book so far, where I have gone with this has really nothing to do with what the book is about.

Atheism and Socialism

I saw an episode of Family Guy where Meg becomes a book-burning Christian after watching a Kirk Cameron show and Brian mentions to the family that he is atheist. They were shocked. He said he figured they knew because he never went to church and because of his opinions, but the family was still horrified. Meg kept trying to convert Brian and told her church that he was an atheist, and pretty much the whole town went nuts with stoning him and calling him out on local TV newscasts.

Of course it's a cartoon, but it made me think some more about why Christians are so horrified by atheists. And today I recall how Socialism is such a horrifying concept and idea to most, yet Social Security, Welfare and some other programs are Socialism implemented. And people like them. And many church goers are fairly grounded and tolerant people who don't buy into every bible story or even their church's interpretation of them. They might not even believe in a literal individual God and Jesus; they may have pantheist leanings or just not give much thought to it. Some certainly make moral judgements without consulting or necessarily agreeing with their church or peers. But tell them someone is an atheist and they may be uncomfortable.

So maybe it's just the cognitive dissonance. As long as you don't call it atheism it's okay? And as long as you don't call social programs socialist it's okay?

Brian resorted to pretending he had found God so the bars would start serving him again, and to celebrate Meg took him to a book burning where the congregation was throwing Origin of Species and Stephen Hawkings books on the bonfire. Brian couldn't stand it and converted Meg back by asking her if God would have let her have such a hot mom while allowing her to grow up looking like her dad with a big ass and small breasts. Heh. Poor Meg.

Edit: I'm not for going all socialist. I just can't quite figure out why it's such a powerfully bad word and concept when the USA has several socialist programs implemented, and hell it's what the hard core conservative fiscal people are wanting to resort to (temporarily) to bail out Bear Stearns, AIG and the rest. I nearly shit myself when the Republicans nationalized the mortgage industry and don't quite undertand why it would be so systemically bad if Bear Stearns, AIG, GM and Chrysler all went tits-up. It's been a while since I took the SAT, but Socialism:US politics::atheism:religion.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

My Lucky Shirt

I hope this one is going to be short because I really just wanna kinda follow-up on some of the topics we've been spitting around here for a while. I'm playing with the notion again of why we need to even had a god figure in the first place.

There's really just something in our nature (as has been told by Dawkins) that makes us want to not only assign nature to things, but to also take control over things that we can't personally control ourselves. Because let's face it, you don't see anyone breaking their kneecaps to pray that a soda suddenly flies out of the fridge, right? That's because we can do it ourselves. But have your favorite baseball team get a couple points behind and suddenly it's because your wife didn't wash your lucky game shirt. Or the runner was tagged out at 1st base because you couldn't eat the hotdog fast enough.

There are so many stupid sports superstitions you can't even count them all. And some of them are easier to get away from than others. Let's say you have your lucky game shirt and your team always wins when you have it on. So of course you have to wear it to the game because they'll lose if you don't. Of course you never think about the fact that they win plenty of games out of town that you don't even go to. But all it would really take to get you off of that stupid tradition is to lose the shirt for good and have the team keep winning. It's really that easy. One day your wife just throws it away by "accident" and it's gone. Now that the team is still winning you're able to put the shirt back in its place as just a shirt and nothing more. Some other sports myths are harder to bebunk because they don't consist of anything solid like a shirt. Some of them require a chant or a special dance, or wave, etc. Those are the ones you'll never get rid of because you'll always do them regardless of what anyone around you says.

So it's not confined to religious nuts either. These guys are sports nuts and I actually met one a few months ago in Seattle. He was a diehard athiest who had a special network cable he always traveled with and it had never failed to get him a good network connection at the hotel. Forget the fact that most of the time it stayed in his bag because everyone's on wireless now. Just having the cable was good enough. And you know what? I just let it go. I wished him good luck with that and went on about my way.

But these stupidstitions are fucking everywhere you look. They're hard to avoid. So since I more or less promised to keep this short I'll stop it there. Except to say that I know actors have their little things too, and in keeping with the theme of one of my last posts, I'm sitting here wondering what kinds of things pornstars need to obsess on to get the job done. You would tend to see this in the male stars primarily I would imagine since a woman can always perform. But I could see a woman needing something every now and then as I'll demonstrate below.

2 male pornstars talking after a shoot:

1. Dude, what happened to you out there today?
2. Man, I know I fucked up. What could I do? I didn't have my lucky cockring.
1. DUDE, you went out and tried to do a scene without your lucky cockring? What were you thinking?
2. I know, I know. What could I do though, I had to go on. I'm under contract. I just don't know what happened to it.
1. Yeah, but this is what happens when you try to get away with something like that. Stuff like this happens man!
2. Yeah, I feel really bad about that. I just hope she's ok.
1. I don't know man, she looked pretty bad.
2. Oh god... should I sent flowers?
1. I'm not sure, I've just never seen anything like that before.
2. Me neither. And it's certainly never happened to ME before. I really hope she's ok.
1. Yeah, me too. Just imagine having someone go to cum on your face and they shit all over your chest. Dude, what were you thinking going out there without your lucky cockring?!?

Now, 2 female pornstars talking after a scene:

1. Honey I don't know what you were thinking but I doubt if he'll ever do a scene with you again.
2. Oh shit do you think so? Was it that bad?
1. What it that bad? Girl I'm not even sure I should be talking to you anymore.
2. It's not my fault, my boyfriend washed my lucky ass beads and I didn't get a chance to use them before the scene.
1. WHAT? You went out there without your lucky ass beads? Girl, don't you know that's a career killer? You remember what happened to Kelly Couchback, right?
2. No, I've never heard of her.
1. Exactly, nobody has. She was doing one of her first scenes ever and she mocked the lucky ass beads. Well, what happened next was just the worst thing ever. She was gangbaning these 2 guys and when one of them finished, she queefed cum all over his face.
2. Oh my god, that's horrible.
1. Well, not as horrible as what you just did.
2. I know, I know. I can't believe that happened. I hope he doesn't sue me.
1. Oh he's not gonna sue you, but you'll be lucky if you can ever get another job.
2. I just never thought that not having my lucky charms once would be so bad. I thought that at the most I might not be able to take his whole cock.
1. Yeah well you wish that's all that happened. I still can't believe you actually spewed chocolate all over him while he was eating your pussy.
2. Oh don't remind me. Has anybody seen him?
1. I don't know. The last I heard there was just a trail of peanuts leading back to his dressing room.

Big dildo up your ass.

Friday, April 3, 2009

Expressive Language

This has been at the back of my mind for at least a couple of weeks, but it really hasn't been ready for a blog. What the hell, like my stuff is up for a Pulitzer anyway.

I periodically find myself looking for alternative phrasings to expressive statements like "thank God" or "bless you". A lot of people use god-related wording when expressing emotion: heavenly, divine, etc. And devil references can indicate strong negative emotion or playful or deceitful trickery: "damn him to hell", "he's a little devil".

Secular intense negativity is pretty easy as that's what swear words are for. Yet somehow damn is a greater curse when it is goddam! Yet I have trouble coming up with superlative secular positive expressions. The only one I could think of today was "orgasmic" to describe some great food. (But then SurferJesus told me to stop fucking his casserole.)

It's fun to come up with mocking secular alternatives to an enthusiastic "praise Jesus" or "it's heaven on earth", but I am unable to come up with useful daily alternatives.

I'm not suggesting that God is necessary for intense enjoyment outside of sex (btw, "oh god, oh god") but instead that religion has successfully co-opted our positive emotional language to make a profoundly happy secular person sound as corny as someone trying to use "gosh", "darn" and "shoot" to avoid swearing.

EDIT: It looks like Faithenate covered religious language expression about a year ago.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Moron Morality

I'm sorry, did I say moron morality? I meant to say more on morality, my bad.

So there's this big debate as to whether you can have morality without religion. Now, before you click away thinking this is going to be the same old discussion, it's not. I'm going to present a counter theory of mine that's probably not entirely correct (nothing I ever say is), but it's a good starting point.

OK, so all of this bullshit that religion is full of peace and tolerance has been well debunked by now because we've seen way too many examples of how they run things when given the chance. And it's funny to me that the extremists are dismissed as wild-eyed crackpots who don't hold the true values of the religion as a whole. But what if that's backwards? I propose that the extremists are the only ones who are following what their religion tells them to do and it's the majority who aren't following god's word. What makes me say this? That's easy... I've read the bible.

Most xtians make excuses for the shit you find in the bible by saying it's just a metaphor or that something isn't meant to be taken literally, or that it was a different time and it was only to be applied in those specific circumstances, etc. Bullshit people... there's nothing in there that says, now look, I want you to do this, but only this time... or only until this date... or I don't really want you to do this, it's a metaphor for whatever you can pull out of it. It's time to grow up people. Your religion teaches violence and intolerance so get over it. And what's more, you're not a real xtian because you're not following god's real and true word. That guy over there who killed his wife for not wearing a scarf on her head... he's the one following god's word.

So now I'm left to ask myself why all these people are turning against god's official word and NOT killing everyone around them. The answer is easy... we all have a strong sense of morality that comes from both ourselves and from society and that gets in the way of religious doctrine. So it's not that religion supplies morality, it's that we're able to maintain morality despite religion. And being the clever people we are, we've managed to still link it back and give religion credit for it anyway. Ain't having a brain grand?

So let's recap real quick... religion tells us to kill people for the glory of god and then when we refuse because killing is wrong, religion gets the credit again for being peace-loving and tolerant. But there's nothing in the books that suggests that.

Dawkins says that there are many factors that go into making up our morality, which sounds right to me. It's not just one thing that implants it into our heads. But society has a lot to do with it because you have but to look at the sign of the times to confirm it. Back when the bible was written (and before), those religious killing sprees were ok because people just didn't know better as a society. They were too busy fighting over land and trying to establish themselves as dominant. Then move ahead into just the last couple centuries and we've gone from women being nothing more than filthy baby factories to becoming real people with real jobs and feelings and ambitions. And do you wanna hear something really crazy? Niggers are considered to be people now too. And they can not only hold jobs, but they can be the boss and order us white folk around. And they can even vote and this one will really knock your socks off... one of them became president. Now we've also refined our laws too. Many things that used to be legal have now been outlawed because they're just not considered ok anymore. One that comes to mind is this one and it'll just kill you. Kids have rights under the law now and you're not allowed to starve or beat them anymore.

So with all this change, what's driving it? Is the the bible and religion? I seriously doubt it since it hasn't changed (officially) in centuries. Though we all know that it's changed quite a bit hasn't it? So since our morality is changing, and the bible isn't, then it's pretty easy to say that we're not getting our morality from the bible or from religion. And don't give me that "oh well we're interpreting it differently" crap either. Because yeah, you're interpreting it differently, but only because your morality has given you the ability to see past its bullshit and now you have to look into the passages and see how you can distort their meanings so you can keep on believing that's where you're getting your morality. Give it up already.

And god commanded him to go into the town and kill every last man, woman, child, sheep, goat, etc. Let no living creature remain. Gee, I think that's a metaphor for love your fellow man and tolerate his beliefs no matter how different. Do you see what god's doing there? He's teaching us love and forgiveness by saying the opposite to show us how ludicrous it would be to be that way. It's reverse psychology.

Fuck off already and grow up.

Big dildo up your ass.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Appropriate Signs

(photo links from Fail Blog)

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fail owned pwned pictures
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Wednesday, March 25, 2009

The Blueberry Delusion

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It used to be so hard for me to understand how xtians can constantly get so worked up over something that isn’t even real… i.e. god.  But you know what, I had an experience just a couple days ago that’s changed my mind forever.  In fact, now I can completely understand how it is that they can get so worked up over an imaginary friend.

So I was playing with my oldest son in the backyard and he was playing like he was going to the store.  He rolls his little dump truck around and pretends to get different produce and then he comes over and gives it to you… or me, rather.  What happened the first time was he came up to give me some blueberries and I held out my hand and he dropped them on the ground so I had to pick them up.  Then the next time he did the same thing.  I told him that he needed to start putting them in my hand.  And the next couple times he dropped them on the table instead of putting them in my hand.  And I found myself getting mad at him.  Why the fuck can’t he just put the goddamn blueberries in my hand?  How fucking hard is that?

Then something crossed my mind.  THE FUCKING BLUEBERRIES AREN’T REAL!!!  Why the fuck am I getting upset over imaginary fruit?  Let him put them where he wants.  It’s not like I actually have to pick them up and dust them off or anything.

And this is how I got with a simple playtime with my son.  Can you imagine how easy it is for others to get that upset about their eternal life?  Well, I guess you don’t have to, huh?  So anyway, it’s so easy to get wrapped up in the game, but at some point you have to remember that the blueberries your preacher is handing you aren’t real.


Big dildo up your ass.

Those Darn Pagans!

A very dear friend of mine is a Pagan, which I hold against her no more than she holds my atheism against me. But I went to the online pagan publication she writes for, and there on the front page is a drawing of a reeeeally old woman and this title:

Today we honor

I just found it funny.

It brings something to mind, though. We don't despise Paganism and Wicca anything like we do Christianity and Islam (I know I don't speak for all atheists, I'm currently talking about God Dammers). And I know some of the major reasons why: Pagans haven't been in the majority, and supressing and murdering and causing wars, for a very long time (if ever...?) So that's good.

But Paganism just tends to be more FUN, I think. Pagans don't take themselves overseriously, don't try to convert people or make everyone feel bad about themselves. Some of this is a side effect of being in the minority, sure. But some of it is just a better laid back-itude.

And there are hundreds of pagan inspired fantasy books out there, and we all KNOW it's fiction. People don't throw malatov cocktails because somebody got the handfasting ceremony wrong in "Gone with the Wynde".

I'm just sayin.

Fluffy Gay Blog that is full of WIN

This, this is full of WIN WIN WIN

I only wish that I'd done this first. And that I was gay and had married a girl as hot and funny as this. I'm just sayin.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

God is a Shitty Copilot

The god-as-copilot quips Faithinate posted Saturday night were something I've been thinking about. Really? Does God have a lot of time in this type of aircraft? And I doubt he's under the FAA-mandated 60-hour limit since he seems to be lots of people's copilot. And how can he spare adequate attention to my flight?

I highly recommend investing some time into training and safety drills rather than asking God for help. Here is an article telling of a pilot who decided to pray out loud instead of take planned contingency procedures and then ditched the plane in the water when observers thought he could have made the airport. 16 dead. I guess they are now with God? See, you can't have a copilot with a conflict of interests!

Monday, March 23, 2009

Jesus is a cool dude

Yeah, we were talking the other night about how ridiculous it is that people thank god for letting them do things... you know, like when they win awards and such. And of course, that got me really kind of inspired to write a porn acceptance speech. Because after all, there's no reason Jesus can't help you bang a chick really hard, right? He's a cool dude and he preaches peace and love, and what's more peace and love than a nice piece of love?

This award is for the best sex scene between a man and a woman...

And the winner is Dirk Diggler!!!

[Thunderous applause]

Oh my god. Oh my god. I'd like to thank everyone for this amazing award. You really make it worth the work. I'd like to start off by thanking my agent, who works hard to get me auditions. I'd also like to thank the director and the producers for being so patient on set. And of course there's my co-star. Without her being so wonderful that scene wouldn't be what it is.

But most importantly I'd like to thank the lord for giving me the ability to do this. Without god's help I would never have been able to tongue her pussy so long without getting sore. And the way I slammed my cock in the back of her throat was truly inspired. And that's not all, the lord our god gave me the extra ability to go ass to mouth without hesitation, and as we all know, if you hesitate in this business you're dead.

And when it finally came time for the money shot, I could almost feel the lord's blessed hands squeezing every drop of cum out of my nuts.

So yeah, most of all the credit goes to god. So thank you god for giving me the extraordinary ability to fuck hoes longer and harder than anyone else. And thanks for giving me a rock hard cock that is almost completely intoxicating these women all on its own. No one fucks like you lord! Peace out ya'll.

Anyway... it would go something like that...

Big dildo up your ass.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Live Blog - The God Dammers' Saturday Night

SurferJesus says he used to date this girl, years ago, and wanted to marry her, but they couldn't because of the big difference in religion between their families. Her family believed it was most important to shun Islam, while his believed it was most important to shun Christians, and he didn't want to go through the trouble of converting.

Three guys I knew in college were publicly flogged for hoping out loud that the world wouldn't end any time soon.

What would the pamphlets look like for door to door evangelical atheists? Christians always have happy, blissful people smiling on the front, but atheits are realists. So maybe people with "WTF?" expressions, or people with goggles and test tubes.

If you wanted to publicly prove that you were a really really good atheist, what would you channel to speak in tongues? You could channel Carlin, I suppose, or Dawkins, or Joe Pesci (he swears a lot!)

SJ asks, What's going to be the penalty for hosting a gay wedding reception? And I said, no, atheists get pissed off when STRAIGHT people get married. PN added that it's far worse to involve an invisible third party. The way marraiges are these days, rings should probably be made out of something biodegradable.

The real pisser about being atheist is that it usually isn't, in and of itself, an excuse to get together with other people. I mean, there are atheist clubs, but only because we need to resist, to fight for reason. Without resistance there isn't a reason to have a full organization, get together every week, do dinner parties...you're forced to go out and make friends on your own charisma. Pisser.

Atheist award ceremonies are a lot shorter, because you just get up and say "Thanks! I worked really hard!" And sit down. (Isn't it odd how porn stars thank God when they accept their awards? I think SJ's going to elaborate on that, sorry...)

Jesus is EVERYONE's copilot. When I'm flying, I think, "How much time does God HAVE on this kind of plane?"

Friday, March 20, 2009

Christians Looking Forward To Armageddon

Taking some threads from SurferJesus' and my recent posts, a shared belief among many Christians is the prophetic wars and horrible things that are going to happen at the end of the world, or the conquest of the world by Hell, or some similar bad thing where all Christians will teleport to heaven via the rapture. And they're looking forward to it.

Those damn Christians are always euphoric about the afterlife and about the end of the world. Do they really look forward to all the bad shit, or are they operating in cognitive dissonance mode and not realizing that their vision of holding hands with God results from widespread misery and evil on the mortal Earth? Why yearn for that even if you believe in it? And why do many keep predicting the world will end soon? Which, by the way, they've been doing for eons. The world is always about to end, according to somebody.

And Christians and Muslims general goal is to spread their religion and take over the world. They don't quite put it that way, but they have little tolerance for us atheists asking logical questions about their silly faith, and they think more and more people should be like them. Don't they realize the consequences? They seem to almost look forward to a religious war where God shows everyone they are right by letting them win. (Both sides of the war believe this.)

It's really weird to watch somebody supposedly peaceful and nice to talk lovingly of the impending end of the world and the associated wars, but I've seen it repeatedly.

And the implications are scary. I agree with SurferJesus that Christianity if allowed to take over the United States would degenerate into a state of harsh punishments for dissenters.

Remember when Clinton got militarily involved in Yugoslavia? I don't recall anyone pointing this out, but I wonder if it's why so many Christians seem to hate the guy. He was protecting Mulsims from being wiped out by Christians in Yugoslavia. Modern day Christians in an industrialized nation (they even exported cars to us: the Yugo) were ethnically cleansing their dogmatic competition. And it doesn't surprise me. I've heard Christians speak with hatred and a suspense of humanity about people they dislike. Hey, if God is on their side, got hates the dissenters, too, so how can they not feel justified in wanting them tortured, maimed and killed? And they are euphoric in this.

More Crazy Testicles

I just love catchy title, don't you?

So yeah, this is a comment/response to PraiseNull's comment on my first post on this topic.

So he's right to a degree that it's hard to look at the world with the cynicism that I do, but is it really cynicism? Am I really all that far off base? Look at any theocracy and show me where non-believers weren't persecuted. In fact, show me any theocracy where even the believers who just didn't happen to believe the same thing the established religion believed weren't persecuted. And these people aren't any different than you or me. We all want the same things. We want to be happy. We want a good life. We want to instill values in our kids and have them grow up to be what we consider 'good people'. We want the world to be a good place. But what happens when people refuse to get along and work at being tolerant of each other is they turn to religion. They setup an impossible doctrine and make laws that are ridiculous. And then they punish people for breaking them.

Remember that story last year where the couple was arrested in Dubai for drinking OJ in public. They were germans visiting and it was during that stupid fucking ramadan (sp?) holiday where you're not allowed to eat or drink in public. The story I get is that it's because they want you to experience what it is to be poor and sort of walk a mile in their shoes. So somehow that's turned into a religious crime that's actually punishable, even to outsiders who know nothing of the law. I don't think it's unreasonable to expect someone to come to your country and not run a red light, or to not rape a child. Those are common sense laws that are fairly ubiquitous. But drinking juice... how the fuck is someone supposed to know a stupid law like that? And I call it a stupid law just because I don't want to typy "fucking bullshit goddamn assinine motherfucking asswiping piece-of-shit monkey-fucking stupid law" every time I go to type it. So just know that's what I mean from here on out.

I've started listening to the dogma-free america podcast and the shit that goes on in this world in the name of religion is just fucking amazing. Women being buried alive for wanting to choose their own husbands, kids being beaten for not believing a rotting body sitting on their toilet is actually going to come back to life, pedofiles claiming their cleansing little kids by fucking them up the ass, blind kids being hung from ceiling fans and beaten to death because they're unable to read the koran, 1yr olds starved to death because they're unable to say amen after grace, etc. This is all just pure evil. And what's worse is those are ALL real stories.

Now, not everything religion has to offer is evil... or is it?
There are some seemingly benign actions that everyone puts up with like praying before meals, organizing group prayers to alleviate drought or a crime wave, having something censored because it offends your religion, etc. Well, if pot is a gateway drug then these are gateway religious behaviors. Just the practice of these things leads to you wanting, no NEEDING to control other people's lives. All of a sudden it's your business where my dick goes, and even worse, where my hands go. I'll tell you something right now. If I wanna lotion-up and stroke my cock with my right and shove a curling iron up my ass with the other one, that's none of your fucking business. That's only between me and the owner of the curling iron (who I'm sure might object sutstantially). But it's certainly not a religious matter.

Let's look at gays in the military. If I were gay and in the military and someone asked me about my sex practices, I would ask him first. I would say something like...
So how about you and your wife? Do you fuck her in the ass? Does she finger your ass when she sucks your cock? Hey does your wife swallow? How high can you get her legs up over her head? Come on man, tell me... what's it like to be deep inside your wife's pussy?

Of course all of those questions would be met with extreme offense, and might even start a fight. So why are the details of my sex life important, but yours aren't? It doesn't matter in the least whether I'm fucking a man or a woman. The details of my sex life are none of your fucking business. Yet, because there's a book that says it's bad to fuck a man up the ass, you're going to make it your business who I fuck. But you could line up people of both sexes bent over in the dark and you could be lead in to fuck one of them in the ass at random and I guarantee you couldn't tell the difference between a male and a female ass. So any of you guys out there who fuck their wives in the ass are just as guilty as the gayest queer out there. I mean, you like to fuck ass, so how can you blame queers for it?

So where was I... oh yeah, gateway bahavior. By making it ok to pray, or to censor a TV show, etc you're making it ok to go further. Next you move up to wanting to post religious signs in government buildings. You make it ok to stop educating your kids by teaching them design theory. You make it ok to illegally start a war because god wants you to. You make it ok to keep people out of jobs because they don't believe in god. And much much more, right?

Then people are voting by religion and then we've got a theocracy. And I know the xtians think that's what they want, but it's really only while they're on top. What happens when a radical comes into power (as they always do) and starts making weird, restrictive laws? Within 10yrs women would probably not be allowed without being covered up. Then we do away with evolution in schools. Then you're not allowed to hold public office if you're not xtian. Then companies are allowed to use religion as criteria for whether you're qualified. Then you can be refused medical care based on religion. And it goes on and on.

So what is it causing these changes? Is it that people are basically good and they're just doing what's best for us? Or is it that people are basically selfish and evil and they've not got laws to back up what they've been dying to do? It's ridiculous and very scary how close to Pakistan we could become.

So yeah, maybe I'm a little cynical, but it's also not that far of a leap. Look at Canada even. Right now they're in the middle of a huge free speech crisis because the religious fucks are allowing people to be sued for offending their religion. IN CANADA!!! So yeah, it's not that far outside the realm of possibility that we could fall under such rule. And once that kinda shit gets going and is endorsed by the state, it's easy to take it one step further. And another. And another.

The funny thing is that while it's against the law for the US government to endorse a religion and have an official US religion, there's nothing like that at the state level. States have the right to have an official endorsed religion. And until the late 1800s, Massechusets had an official state religion. Scary huh?

OK, I'm just rambling now but I'm sticking to my guns. Religion doesn't make good people do bad things. It turns good people bad. But make no mistake... when they're doing those bad things in the name of religion they're no longer good people.

Big dildo up your ass.


A random, late-night thought: I was into maps as a kid. I recall one of my elementary classes having some extracurricular map instruction self-study courses available for extra credit, but you had to get your main work done first. I put an unusual effort into finishing my work so I could do the next map course.

I recall thinking that I had no way of telling if the maps were true. At the time I had not been to many of the mapped places. As I got older it was a comfort to travel around by plane and car and verify that the maps were true. I don't mean every road and every detail, but that the cities were where the maps said they were. I could see them from the air; I could navigate between them by car. I've driven in a 20-foot circle where 4 states meet. I've cruised the sea from Florida to Cozumel. I've stood at Pike's Peak and looked over the fruited plains. (That reminds me, I've also been to San Francisco.) I've driven alongside a few hundred miles of the Mississipi River. I've been into the Smoky Mountains. The maps were true.

I am not from Missouri, but sometimes you need to show me. I've had too many people testify with sincerity things I later found out to be complete bullshit. I'm not the type of person to do that, and it is hard for me to accept that others do it, but I've seen it repeatedly and know from experience that some people are simply full of shit. So don't testify to me about your dear and fluffy lord or show me a bullshit piece of cloth that covered him 2000 years ago or a popular book that has been translated and altered multiple times, isn't verifiable and contradicts itself as a matter of habit.

Your Own Personal Jesus, Fuck You

My thoughts on religion lately--although I'm not sure I've put it quite this way--are that religion is not actually a cohesive set of beliefs but a framework for an identity and self-entitlement. "I am Christian and can justify my actions through scripture/church peers/church elders." However the individual beliefs vary so much it's comical.

Christians--and I use Christians all the time because that's what I've grown up around and am surrounded by--seem to believe all sorts of crazy things that aren't shared beliefs. In particular I've had them describe tree fairies (remember that, Faithinate?), varying incarnations of angels (you'd think there'd be a standard definition of what an angel is), ghosts, etc. And they have differing beliefs on raising kids, accepting gays, and all sorts of other stuff.

It's hard to look at the world as cynically as SurferJesus looks at it, but the more I look the more the cynicism seems justified. Perhaps the most comforting thing about religion is that it accepts and forgives your flaws and sins if you pay mouth service (and tithe) to the church. It cleanses the guilt from the guilty without remedying the victim, and quite often it demonizes the victim for not accepting the sinner's cleansing. I think the three of us have seen examples of this closer than we want, and closer than I could have imagined just a few years ago.

No, I take that back. I had imagined the possibility before that the sinner had wronged the victim. Some questions had no satisfactory answers, and one possibility seemed to fit. When I was told the story I was not surprised. It's just that everyone else who knew about it kept quiet about it, deified the sinner and made the victim a pariah. Some great goddam Christians, eh? That sin fucked up at least two generations of a family, and the rest of the family praised the sinner and wondered why the vitcim was so crazy. Fuck you all, seriously, for allowing Christianity to celebrate a multi-year child rapist for 40+ years and leave those of us who finally say enough is enough to be the outcasts.

I think I was going somewhere else with the thread of thought that started this post, but now I am here, pissed off at the more prominent Christians in my life. And sometimes we wonder why so much anger shows through this blog. It's because I've seen too many Christians, Muslims and Jews near to me and far away use religion to excuse acting in ways universally perceived as evil when not blessed by or later excused by God (with or without the victims' consent). Fuck all of you.

Oh yeah, I think the point I was headed for is that each person has their own individual religion or set of beliefs rather than a cohesive shared religion. Perhaps the shared parts are the forgiveness. "God forgave me, really, so I'm all right now." And everybody's happy...except the family pariah who was raped by her father for years and her family. But it's her fault because she hasn't accepted that God forgave the sinner. Guess she didn't get the memoBible.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Deep-fried Goat's Nuts

Since PraiseNull brought up Dawkins I might as well go ahead and get this off my chest and see if I can articulate it well enough to not look like a huge asshole.

Dawkins always that it takes religion to make good people do bad things. I'm not so sure about that. One of the things I've had a problem with for a long time is how can you really be all that good of a person if anything can talk you into doing something that bad? Religion gives bad people an excuse to do what they really want to do. Of course it's not as simple as that, so I'll flesh this out a little.

We all know that there are nuts on both sides of the fence. You can find athiest nuts(salted nuts) just as you can find religious nuts(deep-fried goat's nuts). These aren't the ones we're talking about really though because they're so far out there it doesn't matter what's happening or who they are because they'll always be nuts. Oh no, it's the middle of the road religious crazies I'm talking about here. The ones who look like you and me, and even to a degree talk like you and me, but they're definitely NOT you or me.

These are the people who think it's ok to tell a child that he's going to hell because he saw his aunt's tit when she came out of the bathroom. Or who are beating their kids because their grandma died on the fucking toilet and the parents left her there because god's gonna bring her back and the kids don't believe enough. The kids get beaten whenever the body smells because it's their disbelief (true news story, I swear). Or who have some guy fired from his job and now he can't feed his family because he doesn't believe in god. These people aren't out physically killing people, but they're far worse. Killing someone is a single act that ends a life, but it doesn't effect the public in general. And it takes a lot more planning and is harder to do in mass numbers. But fucking up somebody's life, well shit, you could do that several times and day and it's not only a lot easier, it's legal so you can be perfectly open about it.

These people who do these things think so little of human life that their victims are nothing to them. Do you really think they look at us as people? No, they look at us like ants or animals who just get in their way and need to be controlled. The big question though is why do they do these things? Do they really want to make us better? Do they just want to rule us so they can show everybody how much better they are than us? No, that's not even close.

The reason these people do these really mean things is because we have laws and they can't legally kill us anymore. Y, go ahead, I know what you're thinking. We've come a long way as a society and xtians don't really wanna kill us anymore. I'm afraid to say that's just a little naive. Listen to the way so many of these guys discuss god when you bring it up. It really doesn't take long for xtians to get really really upset. And I mean really really upset. They hate having to explain their god, and to justify their religion. Do you really think religion would have spread like it did if they weren't allowed to kill anyone who didn't believe? If logic and reason ruled there wouldn't be any religion today because nobody would have bought into the bullshit. It doesn't stand up to the simplest of tests.
But that's not what this is about.

Look guys, it's like this. If someone shows you who they are, believe it. And that's the problem we as athiests and as a society have. We refuse to believe what people are telling us about themselves. Sure, if we had a complete theocracy in America there wouldn't be religious killing right away. It would take a while. It might even take a couple decades for religious killings to be sanctioned by the state. But if you doubt anything I'm saying, then just look at the middle east. Look at Pakistan. People are all the same. We're not anymore moral than they are and our religion isn't any better than theirs. If people in America were given religious freedom to really practice the way the bible says, I guarantee you that you'd see a switch to the Old Testament again. Right now they're all leaning towards the New Testament, but that would change.

So if you can look past basic human compassion. If you can look past human suffering. If you can ignore a starving family. If you can overlook all of these things because your bible tells you to, then no, you're not a good person. You're an evil motherfucker who's really only being kept in check by the law. But given your teeth you would bite. Humans are all the same. That's one thing that the equal rights movement has taught us. So if you want us to not be bigots and treat everyone the same because deep down we're all the same people, then you have to accept the argument that any theocracy is just Pakistan waiting to happen.

Religion is nothing but justification for doing what you really wanna do to begin with. How can you honestly call yourself a good person when you allow something to turn off your compassion and emotions to real people? Hell, just a few yrs ago I was completely fucked over by a guy at work who claimed to a mega-xtian. As a result I got fired for something I like totally didn't do. He fucked me and he fucked my family. It's a good thing I'm good at what I do and I wasn't out of work long at all. But there's no way he could've known I wouldn't be unemployed long. And the thing is, he seemed like a nice enough guy. We hung out, we talked, we joked, etc. But when the chips were down, he fucked me. And he didn't lose a second's sleep over it. So Mike, here's to you, you xtian fuckshit motherfucker. Go fuck yourself. And I DO wish you a blessed day. I wish you all the god you can muster because I know what god is like. So the last laugh will be mine.

Faithinate has a friend right now who's really upset about the religious discussions they've been having online lately. Her friend is telling her what kind of person she is, but Faithinate still refuses to believe it. She's hoping she wrong. Trust me dear, your friend is exactly who she's telling you she is, so believe her.

I had more but I can't remember right now.

OK, take care guys...
Big dildo up your ass.

The Jesus Fallacy?

I'm reading Richard Dawkins' The Extended Phenotype. As far as I know it has nothing to do with atheism or religion, but a possible atheist insight hit me while reading it.

In arguing a particular point on genetic adaptation he brought up what he called the Concorde Fallacy, that sometimes a choice is made not on the results that may follow but on the effort put into the project so far. His biological example was of some sort of wasp that makes a burrow and collects katydids to feed the larvae. Sometimes two wasps will collect katydids in the same burrow and then fight over who keeps the burrow. Research bore out to his surprise that the wasps will fight with effort related to how many katydids they themselves collected rather than how many katydids in total are to be won which is the logical value of the burrow.

This brought into focus some thoughts I've had recently about Faithinate's atheism Facebook debates. It occurs to me that atheists in general--and certainly us three on this blog in particular--can and do question beliefs, value and even ourselves, and I sometimes wonder if that's why we're atheists: we question belief and come up with no compelling answers. The same arguments to be made for Christianity or other religions are no more compelling than things generally regarded as absurd such as alien abductions, UFO's, witchcraft, etc.

Sometimes I read accounts of Christians questioning their beliefs and then becoming rededicated. I don't see their compelling reasons, but I wonder if it's analogous to the Concorde Fallacy? Have they put so much time and effort into their beliefs that it's not worth dumping in the face of dubious evidence for and plenty against?

Faithinate recently brought up the question again of whether atheists are smarter in general than religious people. I don't want to believe that, and it's rather conceited, but then again we three seem to be relatively rare in the ability to objectively look at ourselves and fundamentally change if we deem necessary or desirable. Objectively the argument for Jesus over Horus or Ra or a secret government collaboration with space aliens are equally compelling--that is to say, hardly at all. Only personal testimony and dubious real evidence is available to show for them. That says a lot to me, but somehow the Christians we talk to can believe apparently unfailingly in God and Jesus while dismissing Wicca, Scientology, UFO's and hollow Earth "theory".