Monday, March 23, 2009

Jesus is a cool dude

Yeah, we were talking the other night about how ridiculous it is that people thank god for letting them do things... you know, like when they win awards and such. And of course, that got me really kind of inspired to write a porn acceptance speech. Because after all, there's no reason Jesus can't help you bang a chick really hard, right? He's a cool dude and he preaches peace and love, and what's more peace and love than a nice piece of love?

This award is for the best sex scene between a man and a woman...

And the winner is Dirk Diggler!!!

[Thunderous applause]

Oh my god. Oh my god. I'd like to thank everyone for this amazing award. You really make it worth the work. I'd like to start off by thanking my agent, who works hard to get me auditions. I'd also like to thank the director and the producers for being so patient on set. And of course there's my co-star. Without her being so wonderful that scene wouldn't be what it is.

But most importantly I'd like to thank the lord for giving me the ability to do this. Without god's help I would never have been able to tongue her pussy so long without getting sore. And the way I slammed my cock in the back of her throat was truly inspired. And that's not all, the lord our god gave me the extra ability to go ass to mouth without hesitation, and as we all know, if you hesitate in this business you're dead.

And when it finally came time for the money shot, I could almost feel the lord's blessed hands squeezing every drop of cum out of my nuts.

So yeah, most of all the credit goes to god. So thank you god for giving me the extraordinary ability to fuck hoes longer and harder than anyone else. And thanks for giving me a rock hard cock that is almost completely intoxicating these women all on its own. No one fucks like you lord! Peace out ya'll.

Anyway... it would go something like that...

Big dildo up your ass.


Lizzie said...

dude, super funny post! i really missed reading your blog while i was on my blogger hiatus. you know, when i accomplish something, it is nice to know that i dont have to share the achievement with the almighty. i did it. me on my own, no one else unless there actually was a physical person assisting in which case they get thanked, im not a complete bitch. sometimes when people do something really extraordinary like write a novel or something, they thank god and i think wow, you really must not have to much self esteem because you want to give "someone" else credit for your talent.

Faithinate said...

You know, that was a lot more poetic than I thought it'd be, truly inspired.

And, "You never go ass to mouth!!"