Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Marriage = MY FUCKING BUSINESS

I have a new job, and I have a new favorite place to park at my building. Two days out of the last three, this big, bumper sticker-plastered truck has been in the space next to mine. Every time I see it, I have to fight the very sudden, violent, and real urge to key the fucking thing, because of this one particular sticker.

[Sorry, I'd've posted the pic directly, but I'm apparently dumber than Blogger.com.)

It's clearly one of those fucking holier than thou "sanctity of marriage" movements. I did a search so I could include the image, and found out exactly which movement: CBN's.

PROTECT THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE
Let your voice be heard.
Request your free bumper sticker!

We the people proclaim that marriage is a sacred union between a man and a woman! Please support the Federal Marriage Amendment (H.J. Res. 56):

Marriage in the United States shall consist only of the union of a man and a woman. Neither this Constitution or the constitution of any State, nor state or federal law, shall be construed to require that marital status or the legal incidents thereof be conferred upon unmarried couples or groups.

CBN is proclaiming God's truth and love to America! Please join with us.

■Pray that God will protect His divine plan for marriage and the family.


■Act by contacting your senators, representatives and state legislators. Call the Capitol switchboard at (202) 224-3121 or log on to http://congress.org to contact your state and federal legislators by e-mail.


■Share with your family and friends. It is vital to let our voices be heard now -- before the Supreme Court has a chance to make same-sex unions the irrevocable law of the land.


First, why this makes me violently mad: I can't fucking stand when people cheerfully, and with a great sense of community and purpose, fuck other people over. The smug fucking assholes haven't walked a single step in gay man or woman's shoes, but they'll happily say they're not real people and shouldn't have real rights. Hey, maybe they're 3/5ths of a person, right?

Next, let's pick this apart a bit. "We the people " oh don't go all Declaration of Independence on us so you can pretend to be opressed, noble, and intelligent. "We fucking holier-than-thou Christians" would be way more accurate. Okay, moving on.

"We [fucking holier-than-thou Christians] proclaim that marriage is a sacred union between a man and a woman!" I'm going to skip right over "sacred" so I can move on to this: "Marriage in the United States shall consist only of the union of a man and a woman. Neither this Constitution or the constitution of any State, nor state or federal law, shall be construed to require that marital status or the legal incidents thereof be conferred upon unmarried couples or groups." To turn that into Normalspeak, "No law should be understood to mean that 'marriage' has to include fags."

Okay, so marriage is sacred penis-and-vagina territory, and laws should enforce that. So this should be a nation of Christian laws. Oh yeah, THAT'D be just swell.

How many times, and how many different ways, do we have to ask, please, beg, scream, WHY DOES IT FUCKING MATTER TO YOU FUCKS??!? What do you CARE if I peg my husband in the ass, or if my best guy friend likes cock? He's not after YOUR cock! YOU'RE too homophobic, uptight, stupid and unattractive?

Personal attacks? Oh yeah, I'm all about the personal attacks. You started it, asswipes. Your cute little Man + Woman sticker could easily - and more honestly - look like this:




Edit: I'm SO happy. I was already happy about this post (man, that was cathartic), then I went looking on cafepress.com for marriage related bumper stickers. My absolute favorite is the FOCUS ON YOUR OWN DAMN FAMILY one. I gots ta buy it, I just GOTS to.

6 comments:

praiseNull said...

I think CBN is trying to block linking. The link didn't work for me at first, but pasting it in the browser worked. (see "Referer" http headers and deep linking for technobabble on how they're probably doing it)

praiseNull said...

And oh yeah, they suck. The sticker should probably show the man icon beating beating or otherwise forcing a crucifix on the woman icon, for it's the man's job to make sure everyone's square with God as he sees fit.

Godschmod said...

I completely understand what you're saying. Sacred...well I've been married and it never felt sacred to me, and several of my friends have been married and now most of us are divorced. Sacred? I think not. Considering how many Christians and other fairy-tale minded individuals we have living in this country you'd think with this "sacred" point of view that divorce rates would be low. You'd also think that reality shows like the Bachelor/Bachelorette wouldn't be so popular if these relationships were truly "sacred." The fact of the matter is that marriage is a governmental construct, and traditional male female unions were necessary for procreation only. For most of humanities existance men and women have basically had duties dictated mainly by their biological limits i.e. woman gathered because it was easier to do with a child latched to your tit than go hunting. However, technology has helped all of us live outside of our physical and genetic limitations. So get over it. I'm with you though "why do they fucking care?" How does it change their life at all?

Kimber~ said...

Yeah, its the same feeling I have for the lack of intelligence of people with iedology such as yours. It's a slap in the face to the Human Species and one of those times I support forced euthenasia and sterilization.

We're all for Freedom of Speech, expression, and opinion, just as long as its NOT anyone that disagrees with the liberal, inhuman, unnatural, uncivilized, forced dissemination of the human race.

Marriage is to sactify the legality of children, and to protect the mother and children via Alimony and child support should the husband die or the marriage fail. Furthermore, the ANAL CAVITY is NOT a sexual organ. Its the garbage shute for feces...the unwanted worthless crap.

Sexual intercourse is designed for the creation of children to sustain the Human Race, just as it is with any other species...NOT for perverted unnatural pleasure.

Nowhere in any species is there biologically same-sex procreation. If it were a natural process, then there would be a biologically natural design for it. In this case, any such species that subscribed to it would become extinct.

If the priviledge and civility of "Human intelligence and common sense" can not be regulated by certian individuals, then it is a cop-out and they do not get to receive the same 'Fringed Benefits" as the bona fide members of society.

In THIS country, you have been ALLOWED to subscribe to perverted inhuman, unbiologically natural behavior on your own property, but you will not force the rest of civilized human society to acknowledge it as "natural", tolerate it if we do not wish to, or elevate it to a level of common decency with the rest of us.

Faithinate said...

First off, thanks for your comments! We here at the GD love feedback.

"I support forced euthenasia and sterilization." Wow, you're for murdering and subjugating people who don't share your point of view? I'm gonna guess that there's not a whole lot more we can say to each other, then. I'll press on anyway.

I believe in freedom of speech. I fully support that guy's right to have that stupid bumper sticker on his car. And I fully support my right to be pissed off about it and rant in my little blog. It's a great fucking country, and I mean that. However, I have absolutely NO clue what you mean by "forced dissemination of the human race".

"Marriage is to sactify the legality of children". I don't know of one single kid born out of wedlock that's illegal OR unholy. "and to protect the mother and children via Alimony and child support should the husband die or the marriage fail." That's between the mother and the father. I believe that gay men and gay women should be able to marry and have the same spousal and right of survivor benefits.

"Furthermore, the ANAL CAVITY is NOT a sexual organ." Don't knock it till you try it, honey.

Sure, sex is for making babies. And it's also great fun! Somebody else likes to have sex with different people, in different ways...it doesn't threaten the human race, or you personally, in the least. I read somewhere that gays don't even make up 5% of the population...we're hardly running out of people to make new babies.

"Fringed benefits" just made my day, man...that's beautiful.

"you will not force the rest of civilized human society to acknowledge it as "natural", tolerate it if we do not wish to, or elevate it to a level of common decency with the rest of us."

I can't tell you how to feel, no. But you can't go on pissing on a group of people because you don't like the way they conduct their own affairs between consenting adults. We humans do all kinds of unnatural things, and condone the hell out of them. It's not even remotely natural to drive a car - feet were made for walking, not pushing gas pedals! - or eat foods filled with refined sugar, or inhale the smoke of burning tobacco leaves, or support people who have mental or physical defects, or are aged and infirm. We as a species are unbelievably "unnatural" because we have the luxury of great intelligence and opposable thumbs. You're just objecting to gays getting married because it grosses you out and offends your sense of godliness.

Julie said...

SOMEONE ON THE INTERNET IT WRONG I MUST RESPOND!

I must now draw a picture of a marriage contract with afghan-like fringe. That is a "fringed benefit."

"Nowhere in any species is there biologically same-sex procreation. If it were a natural process, then there would be a biologically natural design for it. In this case, any such species that subscribed to it would become extinct." That's ... special. I'm guessing that what you're trying to say is, homosexuality and bisexuality don't exist in any other species. This is patently untrue. The most common example is the bonobo monkey, of course, but almost all other vertebrate species show some element of homo- and bisexuality.

"In THIS country, you have been ALLOWED to subscribe to perverted inhuman, unbiologically natural behavior on your own property, but you will not force the rest of civilized human society to acknowledge it as "natural", tolerate it if we do not wish to, or elevate it to a level of common decency with the rest of us." Of course I can't force you to acknowledge it as natural. Nor would I want to! Because I support freedom! You believe whatever the hell you want, and more power to you, as long as - and this is the point, so take note - as long as YOU DON'T HURT ME OR ANYONE ELSE IN THE PROCESS.

(The following is a theoretical situation, I don't have a girlfriend - just for clarification.) If my belief that I love my girlfriend and we should be together forever hurts you, please show how. Similarly, your belief that we are an unnatural abomination doesn't hurt me - until you prevent us, via legislation, from having the same opportunity to file our taxes together that you do. That's unequal treatment by the government, and that's unjust.

Oh, and for the record, we can in fact force you to tolerate it, depending on what you mean by "tolerating." As in, you can't kill or sterilize us. Wow, has tolerance come a long way or what ...