Thursday, January 7, 2010

God of Convenience

A few vague inspirations over the holidays have culminated into a new god divinely inspiring me and the rest of us here at The God Dam to spread his word. At our convenience, of course. Because, behold, I witness to you the God of Convenience! (Dramatic music: duhn duhn DUUUUuuuuuhn!)

I now realize this god was trying to inspire me back in March 2008. He appears to atheists—yeah, ironic, I know—as a blue monkey (otherwise not much unlike Curious George) offering us the power of convenience. In March of 2008 he was offering me the validation of a god so I could win arguments with bible-waving Christians.

More recently during this past holiday season I was struggling with how to handle the holidays. Do I mock the Christians who have co-opted Pagan holidays? Do I celebrate a secular holiday such as Festivus? No! I needn't be burdened with such questions anymore, for as an atheist with the power of the God of Convenience behind me I have divine support for celebrating whenever the hell I feel like it! Rejoice and be free! Tonight was January 7 of 2010, in which I celebrate by watching football and baking bread. I do this in celebration of the God of Convenience and his flexible scheduling.

Moses brought you commandments. His blue-monkiness has instructed me to pass on holy Accomodations to you. Tonight I shall impart to you just one, because I was otherwise busy, so GoC said I could work on the rest my convenience.

Here it is: You may put any other gods before him or even cast away divinity altogether. (Let's face it, there are times when Jeff, the God of Biscuits or John whom is worshiped at the porcelain throne is much more needed than GoC.)

He also said that should I wish to portray an image of him—although I didn't have to because it wasn't really a big deal, after all—that a search of "blue monkey" at Wikimedia Commons would be a particularly quick and free way of doing so.

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