Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Hey, God is at work in MY life, too!

I didn't realize it, but it turns out that God has been guiding MY life, too! /sarcasm.

I think I've read one too many testemonials by Christians. Everything in their lives was a sign from God, a gift from God, or [God allowing bad things to happen to them to teach them a lesson] Satan working against them.

I'm an atheist. It wouldn't be hard at all to rephrase my life in those terms.

I met my current husband in church. This is a sign that God is the one true way. Since I met my first husband in college, and that didn't work out, maybe education isn't something you should go in for.

I've had two healthy boys. This is clearly a gift of God, and certainly not good genes, prenatal care and vitamins, foritified foods and a ready supply of fresh fruits and vegetables, excellent medical care, vaccinations, and a country reasonably safe from random people trying to explode me.

I've never been in a hurricane, flood, or tornado, and only mild earthquakes. I'm not gay, so God must be showing His approval of my straight lifestyle choice. Yep, I chose dick. Because I can totally choose who I'm attracted to. Pussy was awfully tempting, but I can tell that was Satan. I guess.

Um, let's see. I survived three surgeries by the grace of God, and I've prospered and remained healthy. I've had no untimely deaths in my family. God thinks I'm friggin AWESOME.

Oh yeah, the other day? I was almost in a wreck? But then I wasn't? So yeah, God saved me from that.

I could clearly go on and on and on. But what I want you to get out of this: This "God blesses me" gig is a game anyone can play, and win every time. And on the flip side, since things are going so well for me, I guess God's into Atheists. Either that, or He's biding His time. WTFever.

1 comment:

SurferJesus said...

Actually god doesn't reward you for NOT being gay. If you look at his track record, he typically punishes people for being gay by fucking up people who had nothing to do with it. Katrina wiped out the church districts mainly and left bourbon street completely intact. So the gays always get to see what could happen to them if they're not careful, but it never does.