Build a Better Jesus

I've been meaning to blog again forever and my backlog of topics is getting as long as my Johnson. OK, that's a lie. I'd actually have to not blog for a few more months for that to happen.

Anyway, I was in the car with my daughter the other day and a story came on the radio that some parents were enraged because their daughter was suspended from school for carrying gang symbols. What was the gang symbol you ask? She brought a rosary through the metal detector.

Now, I know what you're thinking, but it's actually not without merit. It seems as though gangs are carrying rosaries and coordinating them with the rest of their gangware. So the rosary actually has become a gang symbol. And if you ask me it's always been a gang symbol. Look back to Europe when the catholics hired killers to go out and kill every protestant on the protestant side of paris. In the neighborhood of 5,000 men, women, and children were slaughtered in their homes and in the street. These guys just kicked in doors and killed everyone they saw in the house or anyone out walking in the streets. Even infants were kabobbed. So as far as I'm concerned the rosary has always been a gang symbol. Anyway though...

OK, so that being said, it got me thinking to that recent debacle with the communion cracker being stolen. You all know which one I'm talking about. And I still can't see why that nasty little dry cracker is prized so highly. If it's the blessing that's important, then can't you just bless a better cracker? There are so many really yummy crackers out there. So if the blessed cracker is actually the body of christ and they actually believe that bullshit, then couldn't you build a much better christ if you had a better cracker?

I would love to eat me a little rosemary and cracked pepper jesus. Or maybe some whole wheat and sesame jesus would do the trick.