Is the Lard In You?

Apparently a woman took a liking to me on a job site this week. I was working in a business inside of a grocery store and wandered out into the store for a quick break and some snacks. Her opening line I heard as "is the lard in you?" I realized she was saying "is The Lord in you" and that pretty much ruined the chance of that conversation going anywhere. She wasn't cute, but I'm not picky lately, but that wasn't the way to start with me!

Or maybe she was just calling me fat.

Really, to we have to start with religion? I don't meet people and say "have you realized God is bullshit?" Hmmm, maybe I should start...

Actually I kind of wish I were religious because that gave me a new idea for a pickup line: "Do you have a little lord in you? Would you like one?"

Just believe SOMETHING!!

I find it something that the religious in the world (this country especially) need you to believe in a god. Any god, any kind of god will do, but you absolutely have to believe in something. I mean, how can you not believe in anything?

It's really strange that you don't have to have the same religious beliefs as the people you're talking to and you don't even have to agree that the same god exists. But to not believe in one at all makes you an outcast to the point where you're put on social trial. It's like all of your organs are on the outside of your body because you didn't feel like you needed a creator who knew where everything was supposed to go. So you just left it up to nature and now look what happened.

A lot of these are the same asswipes who insist that you drink with them at parties or do drugs with them in the back room. You don't have to be drinking beer, but you'd better be drinking something and it's a huge personal affront if you're not. For some reason their actions are only validated if you're doing something similar. Misery may love company but lunacy apparently requires it.

I'd like to also point out that these hypocrits don't even drink their own kool-aid. They aren't comfortable unless you belong to a god (again, it doesn't matter who it is), and they insist that you drink with them, but they would rather see you bitter and alone than in a gay relationship. For some reason that seems to be the exception to the rule. You're not allowed to be gay under any circumstance.
FUCK YOU.

God Bless You

This is going to be fairly short because I really just wanted to bitch for a minute.

I'm getting really sick of these assholes who feel the need to bless me at random points of the day. One of those door-to-door meat guys came by a few days ago and on his departure he spouts 'god bless you'. Hey, fuck you prick!! Who the fuck do you think you are pushing your imaginary friend off onto me and what the fuck makes you think it's appropriate in a business transaction? Why haven't you idiots caught on to the fact that mixing religion and business isn't a good mix?

It's like those fuckers who stand on street corners and beg for money. They always feel the need to put god bless you on their fucking sign. Like I'm going to be swayed by that. I'm gonna feel some deep moral obligation because you hope your invisible friend will treat me well. And that's obviously going to mean money for you.

But this shit is everywhere. You can't go anywhere without a random waitress blessing you or without some grocery clerk assaulting you with her religion.

And I realize how you people feel. You're just being nice. You don't see it as an offense. But it has NO business in business. You have no idea who I am and whether or not I believe what you do. What if I did that? What if I picked something that's close to my heart and used it in my salutations to complete strangers.

Now let's see... what could I pick... ok, here's one...

"Good morning, dude."
"Hey, good morning, what's up?"
"Oh nothing, say, I've gotta go but we'll catch up later."
"OK, talk to you later. Big dildo up your ass!"

Now, I don't mean that as an insult. I happen to LOVE a big dildo up my ass. So I mean it as a compliment. But just because it's something I hold dear, and something I'm passionate about, and something I'm hoping everyone can experience, doesn't make it appropriate to use as a greeting with people at work or with strangers in public.

So if you ever get blessed by someone, just wish them a big dildo up their ass. I promise, you'll feel better.

Legitimate religion

One thing that's really become apparent to me lately is that there's no standard for what constitutes a legitimate religion. Of course, we're not only starting to see what dangers something like that can hold, but it's at the very least an inconvenience.

Here's the thing... I can take my daughter to school in the morning and on the way we can concoct some bullshit religion with a bunch of stupid rules and there's not only nothing anyone can do about it, everyone is automatically legally and morally bound to respect it.

So if I go to a city counsel meeting and say it's against my religion to have chairs lined up in a row, then they've got a choice to make. They can either move all the chairs or they can risk a lawsuit by me because they're not honoring my religious beliefs. It's fucking ridiculous isn't it? But there's nothing anywhere that has even a vague guideline for legitimizing a religion. And a lot of the religions out there aren't even that old. Look at the mormons... that shit's a fucking joke started by a KNOWN con man. And yet it took hold and we have to honor it today.

And to me they're all ridiculous. I've lost the ability to see the difference between what's considered legitimate in religion. My mother tells me stories sometimes of stuff that goes on in other religions and she's always talking about how crazy it is that those people believe that shit. But it all sounds like bullshit to me. Her brand of bullshit is the same as theirs.
I mean really, what's the difference?

Nonreligious Now 15% of American Population

I'm staying at hotels a lot lately, and they keep putting USA Today newspapers at my door. They don't seem to take the hint when I don't touch them for a couple of days...the cleaning crew keeps bringing them in and stacking them in my room. Whatever.

But a headline caught my eye recently. This USA Today article says that "Nones" now make up 15% of the American population, up from 8% in 1990. "Nones" is their cute term for those who answer "none" to survey questions asking their religious affiliation.

I am a bit surprised but certainly encouraged. About the "Nones", not about the freakin' newspapers they keep piling up in my rooms.

Evil, Religion and Atheism

Would Christians would be as evil as they think atheists are if they suddenly lost their faith? If they had no fear of god or believed there was no afterlife would they act like dicks?

Irrational Fear of Donating Organs

I will admit I have not yet signed up to donate my organs after death. I really should do that. For the longest time I avoided it because of some weird irrational feeling that I may somehow need my body after I'm gone even though I've never actually believed that.

I think now it's just procrastination that's kept me from filling out the organ donor stuff. After all I haven't renewed my passport yet, either, and I have no irrational fear of leaving the country.