Wish becomes Fact

I know, it's been forever since I've blogged. I've just had so much to do. I'll try to do better, I promise.

But the good news is I actually have something for you today... a couple stories.

First of all, my ex (I know, here I go again). I heard my daughter on the phone with her the other day talking about how she doesn't like history and math in school. And for those of you who don't know, my ex has gone mega-xtian. So I hear my ex telling her that history is basically useless and that all the history she needs is in the bible. Fucking Really? That's what you've got to say to your daughter about history? You really can't think of anything useful that isn't in the bible? Now I know you're a holy-roller and all, but do you have to be such a fucking idiot too? Then she went on to say how much she hated math and how glad she was that she didn't have to ever do math again. I don't even have the strenght to tackle that one fully except to say that I'm trying to keep my kid IN school until she graduates and I'm sure hearing her mother constantly say that she hates and never uses anything she's learning just undermines everything I'm trying to do.

Here's the other story. I'll tie these together at the end.

Ok, actually I started this yesterday and I got busy. But I have to tell you this story before I get into the other story. I was on the phone with my mom today. She was saying that she couldn't believe that my grandmother, being such a staunch xtian, made me a devil costume when I was little. I agreed that it did seem a little out of character. And she said, well, that, yeah, and just that anybody would do that. I said what do you mean, anybody? The rest of the talk went mostly like this:

mom:
Well, I don't see how anybody could ever want to dress up as the devil, much less do that to a little kid.

me:
I'm not sure what you mean, you mean that just because it's the devil, and nobody should aspire to glorifying such an evil figure?

mom:
Exactly. Why would you want to honor the devil. Do you really wanna teach your kids to grow up acting like that? I mean, even if you don't believe in the devil.

me: Well, the devil is a xtian concept. So how could it be such a bad thing if you don't believe in him?

mom:
Because he's evil. He's bad to the core. Why would you want your kids growing up learning to emulate that?

me:
But you have to problem with dracula, the mummy, frankenstein, etc.

mom:
Well, that's different. They're not really real and can't really do any harm.

me:
Hah, well maybe so, but they're still all bad guys. Do you want your kids growing up emulating dracula? Do you really want him to become a creature of the night?

mom:
They're not as bad as the devil.

me:
So it's ok to dress like someone who's really really evil as long as they're not the ultimate evil.

mom:
It's just different.

me:
How is it so different?

mom:
Well, at least they didn't grow horns!! The devil's so evil he grew horns.

me:
Really? You wanna go there? OK, dracula grew fangs!

mom:
Well still... it's just different.

So anyway... that's just a ridiculous discussion we had and I had to pass it along.

Here's my other story though:
I was also talking to my mom about people driving by with their radios too loud. And she said that cops in her town will ticket you the first time you play your music too loud and the second time they'll take it away for 2 wks. And the 3rd time, they'll sell your radio.

Now this one I just can't let pass. I said, there's just no way the police can get away with stealing your stuff. She said... well it's not stealing because they warned you. Now you're just being stupid. If I warn you that I'm going to come over and steal your stuff while you're on vacation it's still stealing.
She said, well I guarantee you they do that kinda thing out here (in the country). I said, no they don't because there are still laws in this country and you can't steal a radio just because you think it's too loud. I don't care who you are.
And she said, well they'll still give you a ticket.

Um, yeah, they'll give you a ticket, that I'm sure of.

So look here's the deal. I know all of us would like to take someone's radio away when they play it too loud and I know it sounds very attractive to a xtian that all the history you ever need is in the bible, but wishing doesn't make it so.

Xtians wish all kinds of things about the world and about god. And they spill that shit out to their kids like it's fact. But again, wishing something doesn't make it fact.

In the Same Breath

So I was talking to my mom today... you remember her, the strict baptist.

And she told me that she's finally given up on me. She no longer holds any belief that I will find the lord again. All that really means is that she'll stop bugging me about it because I'm sure she won't stop getting on her knees-clasping her hands- and talking to herself about it. And believe it or not, in the same breath she started telling me a story about the old testiment. I'm trying to remember now what her point was because it sparked the reason for this post and it just went out of my head. Oh wait, I remember now.

Yeah that's it... she was telling me about something they were studying in bible group last week. How all these people were screwing around sinning all over the place, having sex with relatives, etc. and how god gave them a chance to repent and they refused so he brought the flood. The baptists are a simple people aren't they?

Anyway though... so as she tells the story god doesn't make you do anything. He gives you the choice to do as he commands and to repent if you stray. Oh wait, that's what started all this... I asked her why god didn't just make us do what he wants if he wants us to do it so badly, why doesn't he just make it so that we always do what he wants. And she told me that story to demonstrate how he gives us free will.

And this is the point of my whole argument with her. If god gives us free will and we can choose as we like, then why does he kill us when we refuse to do as he wants? We're talking old bible here still right? But it's not free will if he says do it or I'll kill you. Free will is free will. And when you have free will you're welcome to do what you like. There may be consequences, but they shouldn't be at the hand of the person giving you permission to do what you like. In a free will environment you're free to make choices and live the the consequences of those choices as they happen. But you're not allowed to wave a steak in front of your dog and then beat him when he goes for it.

I had this same thing with a couple ex-girlfriends. We would be talking about some hot chick at a party or someone I worked with and they would always say something like... if you wanna sleep with her you're welcome to. No, really, go ahead. You can do whatever you want. And then when I would ask what would happen if I did, they would say... oh I'd leave you, but you're free to fuck her if you want. Well then, that's not really free now is it? It's understood that if I wanna fuck someone else it'll end the relationship. The way to approach that is no you can't go fuck that girl. That way it's understood that my girlfriend does not approve of me fucking someone else and should I choose to do it, things between us will be over. But to say I'm free to do it, go ahead... well, that's just misleading. I'm glad I never actually fell for that trap.

So in the old bible there really is no such thing as free will. You do what you're told or you're fucking dead. Which leads me into one of the god problems right? If the new testament takes care of that by him sending jesus to save us so he didn't have to kill all of us all the time, then that proves god can't exist at all. Because that proves that god made a mistake in the way he was dealing with us before and he had to change his method. And if the entire premise is that god is infallable, then that disproves the entire thing right there. Or maybe he didn't realize he would have to keep killing us and killing us because we never learn our lesson. Either way, god didn't see it coming so he's not perfect.

I really do believe all of this, but GOD I love fucking with my mother.

The Christian Experiment

This is a great story. It's things like this that come along now and then that make me really glad I have a blog.

I was talking to my mother the other day and she was telling me about her health problems. She was saying that she believed that the root of most of her problems was that she isn't getting enough blood to her brain.

So that led me to the most natural place in this conversation. Here's how the conversation went:

OK, mom, we have the beginnings of a nice scientific study here. We have our control subject who doesn't believe in God, or pretty much anything religion teaches, and he gets plenty of blood to his brain. And we have another subject who not only believes in God, but also swallows almost everything the bible says. So therefore, We can make the hypothesis that christians aren't getting enough blood to their brains.

And her reply was...



Are you ready for this...


That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Why in the hell would believing in God cut off the circulation to your brain?!?

This story stands on its own. I have no further comment.

Forever Untitled

I'm not even sure what to title this post because it just makes me tired to even think about it.

So I was talking to my mom this morning and she told me that she had talked to her pastor about the problems I have with Noah's ark. You know, the fact that there was no vegetation for the hervivores to eat and no meat for the carnivores to eat when they all got off the boat. So she talked to pastor James about this, and here's basically what he said:

God handled it. Humans aren't meant to understand how these things get done. He promised he would take care of everything and he did.

So you're telling me that's an acceptable excuse? People are just too fucking stupid to understand it? And you're also telling me in the same breath that religion doesn't turn off your brain? I asked her 3 distinct and completely different questions and the answer to each of them was "that's the way god wanted it." OK, so god did it all. There's never any reason for us to ever consider anything ever again because the answer will always be 'god'.

Then of course she goes off onto this diatribe about how I wouldn't say those things if I could just know His true power. And she starts telling me a story about when I was growing up. Now I've heard this story before and it usually changes in the details. However, it goes something like this.

Story:
When you were growing up and your dad and I split up, we didn't have much money. I sat at the table one night and did the math and we didn't have enough money to pay our bills. I just didn't make enough. So I pushed the bills to the middle of the table and told god I was going to put it all in his hands. I wasn't going to worry about it one bit. I would trust him to get us through this. And you know what? He did. Every month all of our bills got paid and to this day I still have no idea how. That's the power of the Lord.
End Story... believe me.

Ok, so after hearing that story, I usually quiz her about the specifics. So that conversation goes something like this...

So you didn't have enough money to pay the bills? You actually did the math and you made say $1,000/mo and our bills were like $1200/mo... is that the basic proposition we're dealing with here?

Yes, I didn't actually make enough money.

Ok, so where did the extra money come from then?

See, that's the thing... I have no idea. God just gave it to us.

Now, god didn't just put an extra $200 in your account. It had to come from somewhere. Where did the money come from?

I don't know. It just appeared.

No it didn't. Money doesn't just appear. Where did it come from? Did you get another job to bring in more money?

Yes. I went out and got another job.

So the money didn't just appear. You got off your ass and made more money. And you still have no idea where that money came from? Are you serious?

Well, he gave me the job and I have no idea where it came from. He gave it to me.

How did you hear about it?

I answered an ad.

Let me guess... an ad that god put there just for you. And there's no way that ads go up all the time and you just happened to catch this one. How long had you been looking?

Oh, probably for a couple months. But I kept after it and he gave it to me.

So it's not possible in the least that the ad was going up anyway and you caught it because you were looking every day?

Nope. It's too much coincidence.


And of course all of this leads to the question of how you know when god is helping you and when you're doing something on your own. The answer is:
well, when something good happens, it's god helping.

So what about evil... doesn't the devil do good things for you too... to lure you in?

Yes, absolutely. And you have to watch out for that.

But you just said the good stuff was god. Now the good stuff can also be the devil too?

Yes.

So the original question stands with a small alteration. How do you know when it's god or you, or the devil making something happen?

Because god won't ever do anything bad to you.

Ok, that doesn't answer the question at all, but we can go down that road if you like. God allows bad things to happen, right?

Yes. He does it to test you.

Ok. I'll accept that. But does god actually DO anything bad to you?

No. God doesn't actually cause anything bad to happen.

And do you believe that god controls everything or does he just sit back and see how things play out?

He controls everything you do. He has that power.

OK, I'll accept that too. And do you believe that a lie of omission is the same as a spoken lie?

Yeah. If you know something and you don't tell it, then yeah, you're lying about it.

Ok. Good. We agree on that. Now, if you're sitting there watching someone carry a big box and you can see something on the floor in front of them and you can see that there on the same path and they're going to trip and hurt themselves, yet you say nothing and you just let them fall and get really really hurt. But you could've stopped it by just saying, hey dude, look out for that skate. Are you guilty of hurting him through your omission of knowledge you had that could've prevented it?

Well, yeah, I suppose. Because I had the ability to stop him and I didn't.

So the same same as a lie of omission. You're guilty of tripping because you could've easily prevented it and didn't, right? Just like you're guilty if you let your kid play in the middle of the freeway, right?

Yeah, I suppose.

OK, then why is that not true when god just sits back and lets something happen? Isn't he also guilty of tripping you up because he could easily have prevented it? And since he controls everything, didn't he put the skate in your path to begin with? So he's definitely guilty of doing you harm in more ways than just one. Both passively and actively. Because he put the skate there, and then failed to tell you about it.

No, I don't see it that way.

How can you not see it that way? Tell me what's the difference in what you've already agreed to and what god's doing? He kills kids all the time. Innocent kids who never did anything.

He's taking them back to his house where they can be safe. Most of the time it's kids that are in pain for one reason or another and he's relieving that pain.

Pain that he gave them to begin with. He controls everything, and he gave them abusive parents, or burned them, or gave them a disease that's causing their pain. Wouldn't it be more prudent to just not fuck them up to begin with? I mean, ultimately, he's fucked them up and then killed them for it.

Well, for one thing there are far too many people on this planet and it's god's way of population control. He needs to do that somehow.

Like with hurricanes, earthquakes, etc, right?

Yeah, those are all ways god's chosen to provide population control.

But I thought it was a punishment for sinners. Isn't that what you said last time?

Well, it is a punishment for sinners because the wicked shall be punished.

So which is it... population control or a punishment for sinners? And because some asshole across the globe does something horrible like sucking some other guys dick, god's gonna kill a 5yr old girl with leukemia? What the fuck is that about? Do you want to be put to death for someone else's killings?

No, of course not.

OK, then how is it that god punished innocent children for sins they haven't even been around.

Well, that's just god's way and we're not meant to understand it.


OK guys I'm done. I'd like to say, see how hard it is to talk to my mom about all this, but it's no different then talking to any other xtian about this shit. They talk in circles and there's no one ounce of logic to any of it.

Kill me.